Sunday, May 30, 2004

I went for water to the store in front of my home, it is raining. The special thing about it, is that this time I was followed by a street-dog. I couldn't enter my dry, sweet home while a wet, possibly hungry dog tried to follow me to a better place. Common sense says, just scary it away. And that's how all can get worse, by loosing the mercy we have. I resolute it, by letting him loose interest. That wasn't mercy however.

On a more central aspect of my being, I've two issues pending.

Yesterday I saw Mercy and we've a small chat about my "theist" position. She is the kind of person that thinks that atheist cannot really exist, which I find unfair to say the least. Yet, at the sametime has a special way to remind me of the magnificence of existence. As you may remember I'm don't label myself atheist anymore, in many ways I think of myself beyond it. However I didn't know how to explain her what have changed in me (mostly because I don't have the words for it, yet). And that makes it a lot harder to deny her a request. To pray once more, at least one more time ask Jesuchrist for a sign. However it should be made a loud. Just as last time, it felt strange. I did that, yesterday after I returned from a party. The place was my ceiling, and my audience stars. I went up shy, nervous. From the bottom of myself I don't believe in that god, but... And that's exactly the point, I don't have a hard proof and I desired a sign. It wasn't as talking to a grave. As I talked I watched more stars, the sky was clearer. I've not registered anything different.

The other issue is more delicate, more confusing, more painful. Is it possible to love another way? There are so many things to consider, but thinking to avoid feeling is perhaps the most worrying thing on the agenda. The double-cross is, when is thinking about this breaking the point? As it happens, the middle way is the way so tuning will take the best of my part. Life is good, is free and it is worth the challenge =)


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