Life keeps being a roller coast. If I were to write this entry on the morning, I'll have told you how great was the night before, at allan's place. We really had a blast. Or how all my sleepiness dissolved with just a glance of her smile.

Now I'm at home, my rage attack has passed, but I do remember. In life either you renew or die. I just don't get it. On one side I keep doing these stupid things, and to my amazement, it all seems so obvious to outsiders. And then is the part about how easy are other things, things I didn't needed even to make an effort. In that maze it is easy to feel like an ant with no power over the world. And that in a certain mood would be nice, not now.

"You overanalize" How many fscking times should I hear that! I'm doing things to be more emotional, for me it seems dumb to try to restrict my rational side, it's unnatural.

And then it's all my respect/fear to behave natural. Anyone who reads this, yes I'm messed right now. I continue changing, this time I'm more aware to where I'm going. It's sad to know the cost I'll pay, I'll close doors, and probably I'll harm and get harmed.

[The following sentence should not be read as a theological statement.]

In my mind, I feel that all is right and a tune sounds at the background "I'm a believer".