Sunday, August 22, 2004

I've already talked this with padilla, but I feel this must be preserved... Even if it's only in my imagination (which by now I don't know if it would be better). Almost a week ago I did what I haven't done in years, meditate; in the old fashion zen way. I do a half-lotus position, with a pillow below my buttocks. I start by counting one, one one every time I exhale. Then I stop counting and enjoy the travel. It's kind a strange to tell, for there's no easy way to tell you when I end counting and it isn't of course as easy as I'm telling. It requires all of myself... Anyway, it's addictive, but more important it clears the mind. And in that Tao-state of mind one sees a lot clearer your impulses. I didn't meditate to gain anything, but I came out with a conclusion. I opted to let it go, that girl for which I have feelings. It was a simple voice, you don't like her enough. There are people who might read this blog and have no experience with meditation so; in that mood, it's like being one, all the same voice, there's no confusion, fear or anything of that sort. All your self points the same way, and in that place, one can see a lot more of who one is. There's no sense of deceiving yourself, there's no point you'll know if you tried it... By the way, that's why I think it's addictive.

So after that decision, I went out and tried to be firm with it. I still like her. And then, the world started to get wicked. I start to see her more. And as you may remember, I'm the kind of guy who becomes more serious and dumb when I like a girl. So in this new phase I can talk to her more freely and have merrier moments with her. Today I gave her a ride to the work and back to her home. However, she forgot a pair of shoes in my car. What would any man in my situation do? I did just what considered a friendly gesture, went to her home (about 3 hours later, because I went with pollo). Of course now in my mind there's Diana's voice reminding me, when I started with my boyfriend she started coming to my house even to bring me small things that could easily have waited... I thought it would be a fast and easy transaction. "Hi, your shoes." "Thanks" "Seeya" "Bye" Yet I found myself in her garage waiting for her and she welcomes me with "Just what I needed :D" and she comes barefooted. *sigh* Next, I found myself talking with her... There's a point in the conversation where she said "I have nothing to do 'til nine." And my mind yelled "how about going for an ice cream?" But here I am not to talk you about a date, but about me trying to be firm on my decisions. *sigh* I'm a jerk. I answered something along the lines, well I'll return to my house...

P.S: I'm really fond of that smile.

2 Comments:

Blogger David said...

Without comments for a time. Update your blog Guillermo.

9:02 AM  
Blogger hector said...

POST POST POST POST

11:31 AM  

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