Monday, March 24, 2003

Think that starting from now I can write my blog entries on the night, at home and copy-paste them. So this thing should have entries on weekends and holidays =) So let's start with it:

Since I was six, probably before, I liked women. I watched them and tried to figure what attracted me to them. I liked their eyes, ever since then; I seek them. It wasn't a carnal feeling, just the need to hold hands, to smell their perfumes, to make them smile. Now I'm 23, in other centuries that would be a full grown man and well beyond what people call adolescence; yet I feel like that. Not the stupid teen kind, neither the all-night-party guy (well I never was of the later kind). Today I walk through the malls, the corridors and I see them. For me, it is obvious that there are so many good-seen women that to admire each one, is futile, nonesense. However I see other men, and how they still react as teenagers when a long-leg girl pass. I can pretend to appraise her ("act masculine") and sometimes I really desire to watch her walk, but most of the time the feeling stays of amusement of human behavior. Am I to rational to feel (many times) no interest in yet-another-beatiful-girl? I'm in a quest for something special. This would be the perfect time to describe my perfect woman, but don't have one. I don't want to fall in love with an idyllic concept, I'm searching for a human being.

Have I fallen in love? Several times, different lifes. Have I find love? No. Am I currently seeking it? You could say so, if you consider my way a valid searching model. I'm taoist in that way. So how does this differ from sitting and waiting for the She?

Don't think love can be buyed with romantic gifts, or a good speech. I believe love is irrational, doesn't follow an economic approach of how much effort one invest. Love may be a coersion pact, in which neither of the participants consciously know the bargain. I'm talking about deep human nature. Watch a couple when they dance, neither knows the secret language their bodies are proclaiming. (That last sentence is a key part of my attitude with dancing =)


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