Last Saturday I cried. A lot. More than ever before. Those tears weren't sad ones, nor from impotence or happiness... Just... Well here's the story.
I woke up nervous. I know Today is the day. I should have made this in xmas, but I was a coward, needed more time. My brother accompanied me to that place. I knew it was a bad bad idea to go there alone. I enter the room, to many eyes pointing to me... Anyway I present myself and she says go this way. Take off your clothes. "Well, you can leave the shirt if you have cold." I don't want to talk, my words are almost whispers. I pass to another room. There's a lady, I'm sure she's as nervous as myself, because she starts talking and repeating several times, how great all will be. Another woman says, "Open your eyes". I can't. But she forces me, I unconsciously struggle, while my mind thinks "stop it". Don't you if I was referring to myself or to her. My eyes and tongue are numb. Now I wait with a guy, next chair. He again wants to chat. I could have easily asked anything and that guy would've answered. He tells me his story, in brief. Meanwhile, it feels as if in a dentistry. You can hear an ever present drill. It's quick. No more than five minutes, and the guy is gone. He says good-bye while he's guided to another room.
Here's where the story jumps to another level. "Lean on the bed, don't move your arms." "Why", I reply. That was the moment I realized I could control my angst. Just need to ask, and ask, and ask. While I was able to keep asking all went smooth. I bet he didn't have an interrogatory ever before. The reason being how his voice sounded grateful to be asked. He was eager to answer anything. "Keep you eye in the beam", though he kept repeating. The first time I went blind, it was great. Yes, it's bizarre for me to say so; but noticing how the image fades out is amazing. It's really different than closing your eyes. Then image returns and it's time to lift a layer. All seems different, I would say pixels, all seems formed by hexagonal points... Over all, it was pretty swift, but maybe it was that I attempted to meditate while in there. It's amazing I couldn't remember Brazil's song... Anyway, it must have been 7 minutes, top. I, immediately, could see clearer. Ok ok, all seemed foggy, but with lots of contrast. Light bashed my eyes. And yes, people do still have small halos. Anyway, when I was back putting my clothes on, I realized I was shaking.
Today I feel great, my eyes still need artificial tears, but hey, sun glasses are cool ;)