Monday, March 03, 2003

Let's see, saturday I sleep and read. Reading about Cleopatra's life, Game theory and some Ruby (programmming language). Don't remember my dreams. It was cool to be alone in my bed, until I wanted to be with my friends and find this time it wasn't possible. That feeling was the same of friday all was good (even working late) until I realice that I wasn't my choice to continue doing that. And that's my introduction to the topic of today, jeje, the "Felicidad".

Just a quote before entering the discussion.
KwyjiboUh... a big, dumb, balding,
North American ape with no chin... And a short temper!

Taken from the simpsons

Sunday, Pollo came early... welll in fact.. (let's say he came to my home) We watched TV for a couple of hours until we decided to go to Julio's house. There I felt a mixture of feelings because of Jaime's "sudden" call. The dialogue between He and Yorch and Julio was exasperating. It isn't funny when you are in the house of someone while the host is talking to someone on the phone. I knew it was important for them so I let them. At first, I saw with certain amusement half of the talk, then I experiencied a Not-my-problem state of mind and I ended a little annoyed because it seemed so long. The worst thing is that when it, at last, ended we went to blockbuster; only to discover that Yorch needed to go when we arrived back to Julio's home. The talk we had in that walk can be read at Julio's blog ;)

That night I had another of that internal strugle to know what to do. well, I really everynight have one... but this time it was mainly about what to do or stop doing. What was the core of my anger? And I half dreamed about it. You know when I make retrospection, I try to consider my subconscious, my instinct, whatever you call it. The usual thing is to have some internal discussion, a little fuzzy noise, some childish quest/dream and then I return to "normal" state. This isn't a serial process, it's more two/three layers of thought/feelings woven together. The next morning I wake up and I see the solution, that's it, more or less. But that night instead of sleeping after my internal "tournament" I went outside to my window and I bring my sky map =) I had one hour of complete "Felicidad", and I knew it from the start. BTW, now I'm able to find Gemini...

I call it being "Feliz", instead of happy for reasons before explained. And because I use it in a different manner. There are happy momments and there are "Feliz" ones. ru'a (I postulate) "Felicidad" is the things which fullfillls the person. This phrase is really a tautology (the last phrase is also one in another context ;). So it doen't define in the usual sense, it just marks a kind of field in which it has a meaning. I contrast it with being happy which I see it, more like a mood a viceral feeling as anger, fear or love (I will use "Amor in a similar form in the future). It deserves another entry just to talk about these last 3 basic human emotions. It seems that searching the "Felicidad" has become a holy grail in the post-modern era. Some say it's personal, some that it can't be achieved by more than a few moments. What I think happened is that people forgot waht "Felicidad" is. They see in happiness the personal and very temporal relief of life, just like a small heaven for the believers. But I think "Felicidad" is a state of mind produced by one, mantained by one and forgotten or saled by one. I would try to describe what I feel. I recognize that I am "Feliz" because then I view the world a little different I get the sensation of unity. It's like a propositive "don't care". (Maybe that's the reason behind my "centrismo")

I would like to continue with this but I have to go... next time, maybe.


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