Wednesday, April 30, 2003

If you asked me what have I done since last time I wrote it will be: Sinfest, management work on my team, reading "Ashes and angel Wings" and thinking a lot (muffy things). Padilla is right when he says that writing about past events on a blog is unnatural. BTW, I'm currently rereading "Tao Te Ching". My war against Decidia, goes well.

Two new teammates have added on this week. For me it's obvious a difference between people who was here before me, and those who came later. First of all in skill, technical and the way they work. And I see it as a wall, not as a continous as if there was a leap to make between them and us. G√ľnter says it's natural ('cause the time I've been here), that no one expects me to work as them. I find it hard to believe, yet with the new ones I'm seen as they (even confident). I believe it's natural for every profession to feel as a newbie for a while not knowing exactly what happens, yet having to work as if you knewed about it. Imagine how could a physician feels. And it reminds me of the muffy point "Trust in people".

On this world there's nothing that will help you. You really can't be certain of, even, yourself. There's sickness, there's death, all around you. Even if you wanted you can't control much. Then you have people, family, friends, a partner, teamates... They are as fragile and insecure as you. So how can one leave on this world? I suspect the mayority just prefer ignorance. Don't try to think about it, they say. And there are those who seeing this, angry about it try to fight back. Those who despise a society who prefer blindness to a war of consciousness. They want to show how dry is the world. They want nothing from society, or so they say. Few want to make a better world, 'cause if world isn't perfect, then we have the opportunity of making it better. Yet they are fighting back, just as the former. I'm of the third kind... I see in many ways that humanity is just natural, on many things I don't wish for a change. I trust people mainly because it's the most rational thing to do. Even if wanted nothing from them, they would be able to harm me if they wished so. We need to accept that if anyone wanted they have the means to deceive (or in the extreme case even kill) us. On the other hand, if we trust them we have more to gain. For a start you can think of having friends. And we can hope to be trusted in exchange. And if those things didn't matter there's always the thing that in the end we need them, when we buy groceries, when we seek a cure, etc.

(This was posted yesterday...)


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