Monday, March 31, 2003

An entry from my lap:

Last thursday, for me yesterday, I went with Monge to a coffee house. Yep, I don't like coffee but it's perhaps the easier place to have a nice talk with someone. Where and since when has coffee make polite conversation a posibility? Probably it's ancient, maybe it could have started with tea sessions and "degenerated" to coffee, it's cheaper. I really like tea, maybe more than chocolate, I can drink tons of the former; but a medium ration of the latter is more than enough for me.
Yet I'm not here to talk about my drink preferences =) The talk started with a weird direction, so I started with quick and direct questions, something to give taste to the moment =) We talked long and deeply about what we want. We passed through a sociology topic "History and Development of ISC psyche 101" and even we made a quick good-bad-things-you-have (an idea from Monge). And here starts my comments. It was hard, not that I had any fear of hurting or saying to much; there's strong trust and confidence on the relationship, his my friend. It was a mind "problem", there has passed too much time since I cared about good-bad things people have. Yes, I can see virtues and defects; I simply don't have a record. Try to catch the essence of that one, that's all I try. Yes, there are things I am constantly disturbed or delighted from people. Just as typically encounter amazing things in the world. There are tons of times when I think to myself "Its his/her way" and there it ends my attempts to control. Of course, there are things I want to change from my friends and people who I care (to the rest of humanity I normally don't have an "action plan"). Everyone who knows me have at least an idea that I try to correct people. Many times that's bad, because that causes them to think of me as an arrogant who believes himself an all-know man. But you need to know that I only try to correct to those I care. In a way, I'm more dilligent to your education than it maybe good. I seek orthographic mistakes. I try to make you think from another viewpoint, and several times I will try to confuse you. Please remember that most of the times I do it with my best intentions. Who am I to know The Way? That's the reason I pretty much don't deal with personal things. Try to give space. And when I don't clearly see a solution I give up and just support. Listening is the only thing I can do (it's hard to do it). And in the gray area of knowing what happens, and don't knowing; there's always space for tolerance, for letting be.
To be truth to all of you I have to give you the other half of the reason for my behaviour. Learning. I do that which I stated previously because I have a deep need to comprehend, people can call it manipulation or playing but its intents are knowing, feeling, absorbing part of reality to gain the truth. Won't say I have not more than fun doing it, is it so bad to have a gain-gain deal? And of course, before my personal entretainment (as someone can call it) I have respect for the people, and never consciously have done a game where there's any chances of a severe injury.
I know that this entry may sound cynical, utilitarian, mainly rational and a bit arrogant. But here I am, telling you what I think and do without trying to cheat you.


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