Monday, March 31, 2003

Maybe I should have a label like "LEFT", Lap entry from this (moment)...

A quick declaration of my playing habit. I all the time think of life as a game, so its natural for me to say that I play with my lap(shiba), but you can read it as I work with, I do, I spend my time in, and so. Know that culturally in this so called grown-man world, playing is seen as childish, as without purpose, as an stupid way to pass time; why not to think of it as a shorthand way to say "do something with the assumption that you get fun in the midtime". Why do people only want to see starts and ends? (After all, you pass more time in the middle of something, if you want complete correctness you are always in the middle of, yes, your life, history and reality).

Know I return to yesterday's talk. We also talked about religion, not yet prepared to fully write about it here. I was surprised to know that he(Monge) didn't know how I came to be an atheist, don't think its time for it... and must of the people that probably reads this blog already knows the sketch of how I became one. However that topic deserves an explication. But Now, I'll tell you about another part of the story, that many don't know for reasons I'll explain. I'm talking about "What do I need to believe?". First of all, I have to say that it obviously depends of what it is to believe, but don't feel the need to explain and waste your times, so let's go direct to believing in a unique good God. I leave it so open because there's so many different beliefs of how it may be. There's an easy and a difficult way for it, from my position. The easy one is if it would happen a proof I need, and the hard way is what I call if by something I haven't considered things happen that makes me believe. Who knows if there's a hard way? So it may be possible that one day I'll start to believe and that having nothing to do with what I write now.
However I will write about my proof, my easy way. If there's a God he must be the intellectual beginner of the thing I need to perceive to believe. Here I won't really tell you what it is, I will sketch it, draw a circle around it. This thing must be a trivial thing so I will not be able to gain anything except faith from it. This shouldn't be a thing that's outside natural order, I'm not calling for a miracle. So it is something so normal that it can happen and people wouldn't see something strange, yet no so trivial to be posible by mere coincidence. I have the assumption that God has a divine plan, so it cannot be something that I believe can interfere with that "destiny". It will not ask for something I need, if I return to faith I want it not because I need help (in the sense of "please, cure my mother God, she's dying!"). I think that if there's a God, (s)he probably has a reason to not discover him/herself to the entire humanity, so it ought to be a personal proof, something a third person couldn't without faith clasify as evidence. The reason behind my secret proof is simply to avoid a well-meant person the tentation to make it happen. There's always the option that God decides to make my proof by using a human as its medium, but I feel that it should occur by God's will not mine. Isn't it a bit pompous of your part to think of yourself a virtous enough to that happen? No. Do you seriously think that a God so great will make an special case with you, and present himself to you? I don't think that God's manifestation is so alrightly strange, if you believe in what so many say and believe. There's tons of people who claim that once they have had a direct link with God (even more some have more faith because of it). If that happens, would you believe completely or what warranties do we have that you would not say "It was a coincidence"? In my mind I have no doubt that if it happens there would be no option but to believe. (Hey, it sounds as faith in my proof? Believing in it, without reasons). What will you do if it happens? Well, that should be a mystery until it happens, I have planned many things for that, let's call it for simplicity, possibility. I'm prepared to be a full time person (worshipper?) and eat my pride if that happens.
And here a Monge's question that I haven't think before this event. That proof would really answer your doubts? No, I don't expect it to answer all the things I want to know. The proof isn't about ending a quest, or answering all the difficult muffy items of life. It has as purpose to make me a bridge, to let me see God as a real option, not mere wishfull thinking. It should mark an start, a return, a milestone in my life. I think that in my way I have made every attempt to start a relation, so there's nothing I can do, but maybe have a way for him/her to slap my head.


Post a Comment

<< Home