Saturday, August 07, 2004

Fsck! I just erased five hours of writing what has been of my life this week. How dumb of my part, mouse gestures will pay for it... On the down side, I don't know if I have what it takes to write down a better version of all this. Let me see.

I don't write as often because, it ain't as funny to tell you about thins long ago happened (at least in my head it's a lot). And then there's the issue that most happens with more people, and they don't have some details, which maybe they don't want me to write, or that knowing by this media, will cause unnecessary pain.

This week the center of all can be spotted in a question finally answered by Diana. It stirred pain, beyond normal levels. It crashed the basic framework, and I feel lighter, there's no ruins and it carries the seed for a better relationship with Diana, a better Memo and who knows.

I've talked a lot about talks I have with Diana, let me detail a little more. I'm completely open with her. I let her in, so deep as she wants. No ban, whatsoever. Some friends are worried about it. Believe me, it's a bliss to be able to do this, and I have other people who if they wished could do that. It's amazing the relationship I have with Diana.

I could write here about the "bacanal" that never was, and what I learnt about kabbalah there. However, I'll leave it as a party where I discovered human nature in a more proficient way.

This week I also fell in some kind of depression, 'cause I went in a work/eat/work/sleep cycle. The quirk is that I did it, embracing it, and despising it. Most won't see anything wrong with the cycle (Up), several will think it's sad (Down), by embracing the moment some will smile (Up), yet by despising it most of the some will think "no memo, you got it wrong!" (Down). I think that one must embrace existence, and I'm glad to have scorn moments. Life isn't about achieving only joys (Up).

Yesterday I had a talk with Diana about magic, glamour and banality :) And there the question about my nature surfaced. I'm like water and I love to change. Diana and Pollo are worried about it, they think it may be, because I feel empty or I lack personality or I change to be merrier to some people. It isn't. Long ago
I learnt

"One has to change or die, and makes the decision."

P.S: Happy Birthday Pollo, even if I couldn't be with you more time, I think I did my share to make it happy.
I really wish I could write more in this blog, for everyday a bright new sun scares away dumbness, ignorance and some even bizarrer things. I have to go. Yet I shall write down something this day.