Friday, August 05, 2005

A veces quisiera poder odiar,
un día simple y sencillo,
pudiera yo olvidar.
No hay mas que un martillo,
siquiera sangre en las paredes,
pero es un día más.

No hay aliento para un grito.
No hay consuelo para un silencio.
A tantos otros les ha pasado,
que yo pregunto y me imagino,
y todo, ¿Para qué?

Si pudiera dejarme caer,
o rendirme, que se haga tu voluntad.
A veces, sólo a veces,
quisiera no saber lo que sé.

Pero en todo hay un final.
Algo saldrá.
Y esto y más sucederá.

En la noche cuando duermo,
no imagino, no pregunto.

Quiera sea la vida, una y buena.

--Anaán Betén
Woke up with another strange dream. It was a prophecy. And so it starts. Really. Today the storm has started, a part of me has vanquished... There's another still mourning.

Change or die.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Happened Yesterday, woke up with an unusual sense of duty. I want to go to Garbage's concert with Ivonne. Weird, how did my sleepy mind got to that conclusion isn't for me to know. So I went to work a bit late, having been working late all the night... Skipped an import meeting by mistake... Anyway, I finally got the chance to ask her if she wanted to go, only to realize that I wasn't asking the right person, she had a cousin using her msn. The sad part was that while I talked with the family she got a plan (watching a movie). She said that she really wanted to go, but it was late to retract from the other plan. And once again I said, c'est la vie.
Didn't want to go "alone" to the concert. I did know that pollo was going, he had already a plan set a month before he told me, so started to look for a companion, no one had the time or money, except for david. However I had to talk him in so he could go. At one point I thought, it doesn't matter if I go alone, I'll go whatever it takes. And then, david said that he will go. I write this process of not wanting to go "alone" to going accompanied even if I had to go alone, because Flanders made a comment later...
We arrived to the place, which from my innocent eyes looked to much like a carpa set four hours ago. I even doubted that I could retrieve the tickets I bought online, there. Sometime before we arrived, a great rain must had passed, for little lakes were all around the place. A huge queue was in the sight. Could point to people from every demographic set, "cute" girls to darketos, grandpas, a guy with wheelchair, etc etc. One of david's contra-arguments was his fear against dying in the middle of a mob. Anyway, tons of memorabilia I saw, none with the right price or quality. David was also worried about how would we find pollo, which was terribly easy, walk straight. How do you know he'll be there? He'll be there. And yes. There it was Daisy, Flanders, Penney and so on. I like them, they just felt as a club I'm not part of. Think they like me... At one point Flanders and I got a smalltalk chance. There he said, "You look different." "In what way? Bad way or a nice way?" "You look happy. As if you had found your personal happiness." "Thanks, I don't feel different. =)" And then I continued talking how that implied that my previous image wasn't so good, je.
I think we both are right. I do feel the same, but now I express myself more. And yet, I do have change in how I come up with decisions, limits I once had are gone or in the process, despite it all, I'm on the way to another BIG change. I can feel it, as when you smell the air different and know that a storm is coming, well before you see dark clouds. It's for the good of myself of course. Don't know what or how.
Returning to my review of the concert. Another group opened as usual, they were funny, in the sense that you don't tell it is good for it isn't, neither you could say bad, for they are... Well they play music. And I'm almost sure they were using English as the language for their songs... Time passed and at last Garbage enters the scene. Unknown to me, the background wasn't just a cloth, it was the screen for a pointy dispersed image. Yep, as in the pictures you see in the newspapers of old times, different radius, equally spanned.
If you had asked me about this group, you would discover very soon my complete ignorance, just knew enough to know that I liked the concept, if pollo permits me to say. I recognized several of them at the end. :) I enjoyed discovering the several moods they manage. In some way, it was a trip to discover Garbage, I guess.As time went, the place become packed, as usual I got thirsty and had ten pesos removed from my wallet to get some. Don't get why people are obnoxious as to have the bad manners to smoke in a place so small. "Hell, even if I didn't do it, somebody else would be doing", Somebody shouted. At one point I made the mistake of thinking, there are more men than women... And then discovered the obvious. Men are taller, wider. It was unfair to people like Daisy, she could see the set. So I prompted david to lift her. He did it twice. In one of these moments I thought, why am I don't doing it myself? And then I told her. Once I carried her over my shoulders, so she could view a couple of songs. The hard part was me doubting if I had the equilibrium, which I had. Easier than expected.
And then it was over, too soon for my tastes, but those who know, expect it. Anyway I exited happy, even if pollo tells me I didn't look enjoyed. Why was he watching me instead of Shirley? She's hot by the way... (obvious remark, I know).
And then the active session of the night started. Penney requested our help to untrap his car from the mud. And we did so. Fairly easy if you ask me. And then we helped another, and another, and so on. Seven cars? Maybe, didn't count. Daisy once said, now you like doing this isn't? It was refreshing to see about fifteen guys helping each other to move cars out of the mud. People who had only Garbage and a common problem as bond. And yet people think people aren't trusty enough =) Humankind, by default, likes to help. We couldn't save them all, one got a dried battery, another was just too inside. I should also state that I was almost hit by one.
We were all helping to push backwards and somewhen the car got unstuck and the driver didn't see me as he turned the car to the right. Just heard pollo screaming "Meeeemo!". I wanted to turn around, but I knew better. Somehow I was able to curl outside of the coming car. I got hit in the back of my knee, but nothing really happened. Penney said that it was a very close to be accident. Again can't say how things went. Only know that I moved more by reflex than anything. Anyway I had a blast watching how a person that had successfully escaped stopped, just to see how it was trapped in more mud 3 meters away from the other hole, jaja. And we pushed again.
At the end, david and I went for some dogos. It was nice talking with him. One strange thing that happens in those conversations is that I kept playing the role of "elder" :S As if I knew better how to play this life. It's just that I'm unable to tell david how life isn't supposed to be hard...
Well I hope it entertains you, for I had a good memory of that night.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Not so much to put here, but hey I got plenty of time. I'm stuck in the office, waiting for a machine to come back. The problem of designing machines that should never be turned off, is that no one cares how much it takes to shut down and restart.

Let us see, what new thing has come to my life... nop, nothing. Well let's describe a funny event that happened the last Saturday. In brief, it was julio's sister birthday party (have I knew German I could have written all that as one noun, cultural trivia off)... When I decided "I want to dance". So I stood up, and knowing no one there I just move around, with excellent rhythm, of course. Until Ericka, the hostess, came. Then we somehow started like dancing, except that we didn't have a chance, as if stroked by a lightning a boyfriend appeared, yes, hers. It was fun to realize that maybe he was jealous by me dancing with her, specially since she had dance with so many other friends all the night. Oh well, it was good to the ego.

On the other side of the coin, today I slipped information I shouldn't have said. There was a long time span since I had this feeling, regretting my words. :( Why do I keep breaking my rules with this person??