Saturday, May 07, 2005

Life continues her dance, it's amazing how she changes of rythm sometimes with a sudden burst, sometimes smooth, but always one can view backward and see how all looks perfectly obvious. So easy to predict the past. Last Wednesday, I got an epyphany, a person who really knows him(her)self can't have low self-steem. And that should apply both ways. On a related topic, Friday I got to learn a bit more about how little I know some people outside of a bubble. For a moment I wondered who was real, the person I knew inside the bubble or the other one, it's stupid, I know. This rant is provided to you for my total lack of a reasonable story to tell you what I have been thinking about lately. Pollo says that one must just utter it, I find that foolish. One must know when to spoke and beware of the word.
On a far more sensical yesterday Saturday, I read myself the Tarot. It had been a long time since my last encounter. Yesterday I achieved a pretty magical mood reading the golden bough and all. I did several questions and I ended exhausted. The general idea of the session was asking about who's who. What's the role of in my life and viceversa. It was completely amazing how threads interwined. As always I'm not sure it's at all possible some outcomes it predicts.
The Fool of me

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I'm here to tell you another story. Today I had a mission, that was meant to happen, because I decided it, several days ago, which is a sad part, for this story was born out of a dear feeling; and yet today as the sun arised with that as a hard resolution decided upon me, by some elder, for my own good. Come on, it isn't so hard to get it. Today I felt some form of moderated panic. That of course means, I'm becoming more involved with feelings for a certain she.
Anyway, about 4 o'clock I called her, the idea was to know if it was at all possible to see her. Tons of nerves just before dialing, but as always with that girl. The moment I see/hear her, puff it all seems natural, and there's no fear, I'm just there, fully.
However I didn't hang feeling so sure. She answered "yeah, if you want". So I went with not so high expectations. As I drove to that store I felt more and more fatigated. I knew, it was just me faking it. Being scare of what could I see/hear there. So I did what I thought was the best. I got a break. To tell you the truth, it was Mariana's tip which I should repeat "Give yourself a break!" That's textual. I was at Las Aguilas, so I drove to a place of power I know there. I went to my Home. I went to the apartments I grew at. The best of my childhood was spent in that neighborhood. I walked to see if I could watch the initials of a nameless girl and myself, I wrote them long ago, first grade. In that see of memories I calmed down. Don't take life so serious, was the unspoken message. There were no initials.
So I returned to my journey. I was somewhat revitalized. Places of power, right? ;) Whatever happened most of my nerves went away. But there's some inertia in the world. So, I parked the car and went directly to a store. Let me repeat, I went to another store. This I didn't do because of fear, in retrospective a higher me guided it. Somehow I managed to prove myself a point. Here's what happened (and I write this with a smile). I entered and talked a bit with a complete stranger who attended that icecream store. I even made her smile. (Originally I entered to see if I could park where I placed the car...) In other words, I could talk to a stranger, in another life I would have been hard... So with that experience, I got fully equipped.
I walked with calm to meet her, yes, at last I was there. One never gets late or early, one gets when needed? Don't know. What I know is that I got a good afternoon with her. I won't give here all the details, but what I concluded is that she's open for a good friendship. Don't know what will be, but I'll continue seeing her. Today I learnt a lot about her, I know she's the kind of people I will care much for, with time.
Still, I want to share one thing more... Again I don't know why but somehow the conversation went from laughs to she asking me "what I really want to know is why are you an atheist?" :| I don't have a nice merry answer for that one. Of course, we came to a good conversation, deeper than I would imagine, and that's great. Does she liked the evening, don't know as usual.
I hope you don't mind

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I was about to not tell you about my new brackets, but I don't have the nerve to betray this thing. It was a life, you know. My mouth feels strange, trapped with five centimeters of wire. Don't trespass, it could say. (I know there aren't 5 of these.) Ok, enough of things no one cares, but maybe my grandsons. Imagine them searching the web to see what can they get from their old man. They hate the assignment, probably a fourth grade homework. Will they be astonished to find a hello just for them? Hello. How can he knew? Did he remembered for all these years and made it happen? Enough, I have written to the future before.

Lately I have thought about friendship, about my friends, and all that. Pollo told me simple truth, two persons can be good friends and not share time. Or is it not a truth? I have my doubts. I know that friendship is a flexible thing, that one can hold it for years and it won't necessarily diminish. For example, David, I could say that for many years, we got distance. Our interests diverged. With padilla it has almost always been that way. And I don't take it personal, everyone has their own life. It's just that's difficult for me to know that some friends rather be in other place, with people that maybe aren't even their friends yet. However all things considered, it's good to know that friendship is more than time spent ;)

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Diana told me that I make a drama out of everything. And I can't find a valid reason as to why that would be bad or not desired by every man and every woman, je :) It all came from one simple thing I told her. Last Friday I went to the dentist, I have two less teeth in my mouth. I kind of took it personal, I mean... These two teeth were my healthiest and whitest of them all. And yet, I sacrificed them for a chance of a better smile. That's the phrase. I know hypes, but it is fundamentally right what all this is for. How many good things in my life should I sacrifice for a chance of a more fulfilling existence? I think the answer is always. And I do think that it would be an error to not recognize that good things need to crumble if you intend to go out of the road, to seek your path.

Other than this, I want to share here how sometimes it feels as if life had something against you, I don't mean something personal or life crunching, just that sometimes Life hardens things. A flat tire, a dead battery, simple bad luck. I could read a "Hey, go the other direction, don't you get indirects?" on all this, but I'll continue a bit more.

What's the pattern with these two paragraphs?