Saturday, March 20, 2004

I did as I promised, I took dance lessons. It was strange to go, but once there it felt pretty normal. The start of the class was strange, 'cause i thought I were by mistake in an aerobics' class. It was to warm up, but would imagine there will be one for dancing... In two hours I heard so many types of rythms that I lost count. Every song was different. It wasn't as Allan told me, about "well this month we have cumbia". And on my sight it was better this way. Maybe because I prefer learning from top to bottom. As expected years of not dancing has bad body dexterity consequences, in particular my hip. I consider myself a good observer, and, I think, it was what got me fast on the right track. It was very enjoyable and didn't get on the "1-2-3" vice of dancing. I kept my thoughts out of this experience. The problem may be that I can't remember where to put the foots, until I hear music... Another issues is composing dance...

BTW, the class has with me just 6 people, only another man. Most of them are aged women... the bright side is that I came to learn to dance :)

P.S: it's more excercise than I imagined, or maybe it is the season...
A rare favor I conceded yesterday, Chely wanted me to pray to her God. Chely wanted help on a special test. My first reaction was a simple "Sorry I don't do that, I'm atheist". However there is a little hole on my argument "Do it, even if you think you are talking to the air." So I had no real thing against doing that. Yet it feels kinda like hypocrisy if there's a God, but I don't so there was no way I could avoid it. There are so many ways to make me do things, it sometimes feels as if I were Fair Folk... just need to know the rules...

So I did talked to the wind, had do that for so long I can't remember. It was brief, to the point; but there is a part of me that still takes every oportunity to discover if there is a God... so there was a "Hi... if you are there... would be glad to hear from you...".

There are days that have closure, yesterday was one.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Today hasn't been a fine day, by no particular reason I got the idea that it wouldn't be one. So I started the morning all down and after a couple of interesting chats I returned to "normal" emotional level. One was about life and living a good life, the other about how I became atheist. It always amaze me how talking about felicidad gets me up. Kinda virus rewriting my mood. The other side of the coin was the atheism process. Up until a pair of years ago, telling about that was really shocking. It was a hard experience and I can never really tell how it happened. Part of me thinks that pain caused a bubble on my memory. Or maybe there is something I subconsciously don want to accept or remember. This time it served me to remember why I am the man I am. I don't think any of the other sides of the talk got to discover what I gain from them. Just to give you a "complete" picture, every time I tell that story it cames somewhat different. I hope it is because I'm getting myself better at understanding myself. However some part is afraid of revisionism...

So if I got better why was it not "a fine day"? Because I wished to do something on the afternoon. So I started a minimovement to discover what can we do? By we, I refer people from the work... I was even attracted to the idea of going for micheladas. It wasn't meant to be, maybe. And that was when I returned to my morning mood. If I were to read this blog, I would say something on the lines of "He obviously has an inner problem, not resolved. He is trying to be distracted. " I know myself better than that, but I'm right. I think I had pretty much amazed the complete set of what is one of my mayor issues. However until I do get to something more stable I'm unwilling to write here what I have. So why tell you this? Because it is possible I will be all screwed the next time you see me.

Have you noticed that sometimes I overemphasize things? Knowing too little is more dangerous than being ignorant. By the way, if you know how to add the "comments" feature, tell me.