Friday, August 14, 2009

What is pain? Is it the fire to forge a man's sound character? "Pain lasts a minute or a month but if I quit, it will hurt forever." All these thoughts and more I try to bring myself to believe. A charade.
Today, I found myself trying to be workaholic to avoid my situation. That's useless. Has alcohol ever been effective to avoid reality, when you know you want to avoid it? No, I don't think so. You need to fool yourself. Maybe by writing. Maybe if you plot it like a big drama, you would secretly know you aren't so bad and feel better. Yet, you know. Dreams are lousy friends, repeating what you already know. No matter what you do, it doesn't matter.
Every thought is worse. You are safely in the road excrufuckingciatown. Self-pity told me, we should see other people.
Should we count our age by the painful moments? That's why I whine, I'm a baby. Had I count by joyful moments, I would be father. Interesting Freudian slip. If you hadn't catch, this entry will not be edited. I want to remember this moment. My life is good, that's a fact. It has this terrible inconvenience, but I can't blame the reader who think I have had it too easy.
What is pain? After all this rant I have convinced me that I was overreacting. That I had not known real pain. That terrifies me, but for now it is enough to feel a bit better. Stupid naked ape, I'm not match for a Hofstadter argument.