Today it has been a day of smellings. Don't know if they are real or not, it's hard to discern between real and memory odors. It isn´t as seeing on your mind compared with actually watching anything. One of these was mango juice, which I suppose was a spontaneous memory. Another one I can't seem to recall. Yet I know it has been long, a long time ago since I smell it; certainly I was a child then. Once I read that it is impossible to smell things in a dream, which is wrong (just as the myth about reading). I should write about dreams... but dreams are about what is-not. Yesterday I reread The Wake (tenth of Sandman volume), and found it better than the first time I read it. Some things taste better if you let them be for a time...

Two days ago I went to see X Men 2, and it was good, but here I state that Sandman was a reason I liked X men, because with this I confirm the superiority of Sandman over them. Yes I know that argument is circular, and hasn't sense... just like dreams .uisai

Yesterday, mid-bath, I realized one reason I could have to try to convinve people of the value of Sandman, Lojban and the like. Think that I have a preacher soul, that I would be a natural. I have the passion to try to "open eyes". I tend to "study" and decipher the thing until is part of me, until we blend on each other. I like to discuss and argue. And of course as a child I had these dreams about serving God...

There's a story of the devil's advocate (nothing to do with the movie) which says that once a long time ago, the devil was caught and arrested. The town seeked for and advocate to make a fair judgement, however no man wanted to defend him. Then the people elected a guy to defend him. He, at first, didn't wanted; however he thought that if he made open how evil the devil was, people will hate the fiend and keep good. Even more, he thought that people will see him as a honest lawyer. Yet at the end the devil was punished by his crimes and the guy was burned alive (because he obviously was friend of it).

That's the way I think of a devil advocate.

If you asked me what have I done since last time I wrote it will be: Sinfest, management work on my team, reading "Ashes and angel Wings" and thinking a lot (muffy things). Padilla is right when he says that writing about past events on a blog is unnatural. BTW, I'm currently rereading "Tao Te Ching". My war against Decidia, goes well.

Two new teammates have added on this week. For me it's obvious a difference between people who was here before me, and those who came later. First of all in skill, technical and the way they work. And I see it as a wall, not as a continous as if there was a leap to make between them and us. Günter says it's natural ('cause the time I've been here), that no one expects me to work as them. I find it hard to believe, yet with the new ones I'm seen as they (even confident). I believe it's natural for every profession to feel as a newbie for a while not knowing exactly what happens, yet having to work as if you knewed about it. Imagine how could a physician feels. And it reminds me of the muffy point "Trust in people".

On this world there's nothing that will help you. You really can't be certain of, even, yourself. There's sickness, there's death, all around you. Even if you wanted you can't control much. Then you have people, family, friends, a partner, teamates... They are as fragile and insecure as you. So how can one leave on this world? I suspect the mayority just prefer ignorance. Don't try to think about it, they say. And there are those who seeing this, angry about it try to fight back. Those who despise a society who prefer blindness to a war of consciousness. They want to show how dry is the world. They want nothing from society, or so they say. Few want to make a better world, 'cause if world isn't perfect, then we have the opportunity of making it better. Yet they are fighting back, just as the former. I'm of the third kind... I see in many ways that humanity is just natural, on many things I don't wish for a change. I trust people mainly because it's the most rational thing to do. Even if wanted nothing from them, they would be able to harm me if they wished so. We need to accept that if anyone wanted they have the means to deceive (or in the extreme case even kill) us. On the other hand, if we trust them we have more to gain. For a start you can think of having friends. And we can hope to be trusted in exchange. And if those things didn't matter there's always the thing that in the end we need them, when we buy groceries, when we seek a cure, etc.

(This was posted yesterday...)