Saturday, April 02, 2005

Jaggy lent me yesterday a digital camera, and I'm a bit excited about taking photos of so many things. I don't know anything about photography, but I believe I can find many images along the day that could show the things that amuse me :) I must find some place to store them if I want some of them to leak to this blog, je.

Ok, I'll return to Manzanillo's trip narration, mostly because I don't want to leave things in the mid...

If anything I got from that car with 6 young ladies was how they love to sing, I mean woman. I have never meet one that doesn't, many are shy or just don't want to be hear by others... But with time one can hear a bit. I also had the chance to talk a bit with Erika, Julio's big sister. It opened the way to a nice talk. In that car, I think one thing happened, all of them had an "imposed" watch memo in the road. I mean, I bet most of them where aware of my existence but who cares about me, just another Julio's friend. Contrary to Pollo who's personality makes him a highlight in a room or Allan's, I'm more dull. So it shouldn't be a surprise that when we arrived one started a conversation with "so why are you so silent?". In the way to the house, Erika promised me a dinner, and she complied. However she wasn't alone, it was a bit strange to see me sat while watching them move all over the kitchen. I had a strong urge to not let them do that, I don't want to be sexist... On the other hand, in particular Erika glowed doing something for me. Her nickname is "Mama Erika", je.

As the conversation went, people went to sleep, until we ended being Fuen, Erick and I. Well, Lupita was technically at the living room with us but in a different level of consciousness, not sleep not drunk neither conscious. Just laying there, sometimes snoring, sometimes laughing with us... She promised to wait for Pollo, and she did. Guys arrived at 3 more or less, pretty dumped. That was when the boxer(Spot) vs Jonathan happened.

The next day not much, worth mentioning, passed. Except of course for the bad new. That day Pollo wanted to be alone so he decided not to join us with Elisa's extraction or to the mall. We wanted to have a small party that night in the garden, so we buy lot of alcohol and botanas. When all started I felt one thing that has been there many times; I, in an instance, felt out of the picture... Like I could touch how aside I'm of those people, of all people. I know that isn't good or normal, but hey, I decided that if wasn't there with them, there was no point in being physically there. Sure I realize that it was a mesmerism. I co-opted myself to not be there, being alone is a decision. In the aftermath I think it was the right thing to do, I went to walk and I found my way to the sea. Glorious landscapes. And all the time in the world to see through the illusion. More reflections... And I walked happily to join the party again. Purged. We played charades.

I'm pretty bad acting, but I couldn't care less, watching the others was all the fun. Specially since Julio acted so strange the "As good as it gets", pointing continually to himself. Good laughs. We crossed the pool when we lose once... And so, the night didn't advise.

I prefer not to write the rest of the night. I continue doing improper things... It is of bad taste, so many things I do so I'm confused about how to act, should I say my true thoughts or silence is better? I chose silence, mainly because don't think people want to hear my words and there's no point in hurting. Some time later, maybe, there will be the proper setting.

Friday, we arrived "early" to Guadalajara. We attended the designated chapel. Stayed there until I had the energy. Lots of people showed, and I'm glad they came. We made Pollo laugh many times. Days passed and my view of events have changed. I will remember the first Mass of Monday, when I entered that church. It felt strange. It was melancholy, when they got Communion. It ain't that I want to be Catholic again, but I remember how it felt, when I did the sacrament. And is a feeling never to have again... Yet the rest of the Mass was interesting, because I watched how people don't know the choreography. I'm not telling how I'm above these ignorant people, no no. Believe me, I just want to express how for all they respect the rite, they don't enough to learn about it. Don't shoot the messenger.

Despite all, I need to be honest and tell you how something small grow along this events. I found a girl, that I like. By backtracking I know how obvious I am about this, and how I stop thinking when I'm near she. I think this can get out of control, here I go, got a quest.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

I'm not sure I want to blog. I have tons of things that I want to mark in my blog, but there's a big stone we need to swallow. Death is a scary always near-the-corner manifestation, that we constantly try to ignore, and most of the time we succeed. It's always hard to see the bull's eye with courage. Truth is that I didn't know how to react, and even though I not panicked or anything, I do got in a stupid mood. I wasn't strong enough when needed. I'm in debt, but I shall not err twice.

Ok, here's is some of what I wanted to blog, but all is really eclipsed by sadness, somehow... Last Tuesday (22/03) I merrily went with Allan to Manzanillo. The drive was a new experience, I finally got the idea of how driving can be exhausting. It's numbing if you let it, and your lower half gets tired after three hours. Despite all of this, I like to get Lucy against the wind, over roads I had never experienced in this way. It was as if a new road was being drew before my eyes. I had previously been there, but not really. Speed is something one gets confident pretty easy. Of course I have hear enough of that situation brings problem, so I decided to never eat over the 100km/hr, take my time no matter how much I wanted to be there, and just remember that driving isn't a videogame, people do get hurt. It may sound stupid, but I learn somewhere that accidents main four motives are rush, overconfidence and so. The good news is that I learnt a bit, and the return drive, was many times more smooth (or so said my crew ;).

Going there was practically a bliss, imagine this. Either work or I could go to the beach and spend 5 days with my friends and 7 beautiful girls... Tough decision. Did I mention how I had all the food and could sleep all I wanted? I was so trilled by this, that I burnt a CD to enjoy the trip... Which really was that music to put, no selection of theme, jeje. It didn't matter, I like that music for each song, and besides, Allan and myself can have good talks. I would like to make a point here. One of the very special things I share with Allan is that we are a couple of friends that don't need to speak all the time, we can appreciate the silence or the music. I can't do that with every friend. Many feel that they somehow must feel a void, or that if we are together and don't talk, something is wrong... Non sense, it can be a good thing. On the other hand, Allan got good music for the ride. Cuban music is funny. "Tu novia te botó, te botó" (Your girlfriend trashed you, trashed you)

We arrived three hours latter, and it was like Julio said, a big brother house. With us, population rose to 16 people (well sex-equilibrated). For those of you who hadn't had the chance to be there. It's a small house near the green, yes, I'm talking about the green as in golf camp, hole 16. It has four, very good disposed, rooms and you guessed right four bathrooms. I categorize places for how many bathrooms they got. It is proportional to wealth. Try it. (My house always have 1...) And if you want to know, cities have MacDonald's as metrics :)

This can become a very lengthy entry, but I want to describe a bit, the inhabitants of the camp. There's papa and momma of Julio, very nice people, who have always been good to me and I suspect see me as a child (just as they see their son). There's Erika and Karla, their brother talks all the time how different they are, but to my eyes, they are the same with different light. Both have strong tempers and are very very loyal to their people, who they consider their people is the difference. Then are the boyfriends, although Karla's guy arrived later than us. I didn't had the chance to meet him above the so-that's-how-it-looks level, so I will no tell more about him. Roberto, Erika's guy, is another thing.

In him, I saw how completely abnormal I am, jeje. He is very talkative, like the always needing attention kind of guy. And he loves to tell how much he is despised for it, how he uses his talk as a weapon, to protect him and at the same time to be a heroe, or so he says. He loves to tell how great he is, what he can achieve, what he know, certainly there's nothing he don't know that matters even though every times he talks to an engineer he keeps saying how dumb he is in comparison while trying to insult you by calling you geek. The truth is that it caused in me many things. I just saw a poor guy trying to be loved... And maybe many persons don't like him, but I somehow don't dislike him, how can someone hate a so obvious needed guy? On the other hand, I just didn't have the energy to discuss with him, que hueva. He is shallow in many ways, but I respect him, because after all the pretentious he does feel the words he says.

For months I have been changing here and there to correct my posture, my speech, my wardrobe, etc. And maybe is that I'm most of the time we the same people, hearing how the change is very visible, that I thought well I'm somewhat near to my goal. With Roberto I found out how far away it is. Let me make it clear, I am what I am, I'm not selling myself, nor trying to hide my geekness. What I'm doing is trying to grow, and better myself. I find nothing wrong in being ñoño, having interest in arcane math or dead languages, that's who I am, but I'm much more. When people see me I want tell them more. And this guy easily pointed out my deficiencies for the small details, and I thank him even if he isn't aware he helped me.

There was also a Tom, whose greatest merit is how drunk he can get. I'm serious as far as I could tell he had the personality of a jar, until he gets drunk, when it converts to a broken jar. But something good he must have, because he has three friends that were worried about him. And now I shall pass to the girls. One is Fuen, Fuensanta, named after a Mexican muse, who's really nice to talk and as her name enlightens, she is of the Catholic old school of thought, in other words she has a heavy religious aura/background. I only had the chance to really talk with her one night, when she started it by "Why are you so mute? Are you shy?" That topic has the paradoxically effect on me of making me babble so much about how I'm indeed serious and shy. The good thing is that most of the time I do click on my head and move the conversation to another thing. So that's basically the easiest way for me to talk... Weird isn't? Yet, I'll with some luck, talk about that night later. There's also Lupita, which as I told her is the kind of person I can with ease talk, joke or discuss. I think Lupita is like Padilla in the charisma arena. If you don't like her in the first five minutes, please check your amargator rating. Gaby is the name of another girl of manzas camp, she's a physician just like Karla and Fatima,... And Tom, yes he was there also. She likes hip hop and is in love with the camera, as Pollo said. I think she likes spending time with Julio, don't think he has noticed and he will probably deny it. I'm not talking about she liking him in a romantic way, though. And finally Fatima, she's a skinny gal, easy to smile and charming. If I were to decide who looked better of all the girls, maybe I wouldn't choose her, but she is sexy in a cute way. Anyway dear reader, if you expected me gaining anything substantial from living with these ladies, you haven't read enough of my blog or maybe you have ;)

It's kind of hard to write all this in one session, and I can't visualize anyone enthusiastic enough to read all in one, so I'll take a break.

p.s. Nettie, I was delighted by your comment. First time I got one from someone I have meet in person. =)

p.s.s. Shall I get a catch-phrase to end my posts? Nah, having "coi" as my welcome-signatured-default-message is enough to annoy people :D

p.s.s.s. I had to put it here, right away... It seems that blogger's spell-checker doesn't have "geekness" as valid, it suggest me to change it to sexiness, should I do it?