Saturday, January 28, 2006

Back in high school, I was hungry of math and physics. Immersed myself in all I could dig. Most things quickly became either shallow (beginners' entry level) or too complicated for me (not having all the strong math framework I needed). I remember Mr. Cano, he lent me a book of Levi-Chivita. That was my introduction to tensors. Anyway, at that point I used to think/dream/solve thought experiments. I was always amused by what happens with a sphere spinning at near-light speed. Always wondered what was so special about gravity to treat it as geometry, while the other as interactions... Why no one tried to curve out QED. And finally some days ago I learn about Heim Theory. WOW!! I'm sad and ashamed to not be able to follow beyond the basics, but but but... he made it! He treats every force as geometry and comes up with a reason to quantitization. If my math hasn't rust, he deals with complex dimensions. Yes, an imaginary part for time and space! I know. I know. A good scientist shouldn't let his emotions dictate how possible a theory is, yet it is roughly what my mind once sketched. There was no more premises than having a simple theory, no epicycles... People are you reading, we may go to the stars in this lifetime!! =D

Friday, January 27, 2006

If I have to point the two characteristics more outlandish of my friends, specially the men, I would have to go with stubbornness and weirdness. To be honest, no matter the gender, they (we) strive for a particular field. Allan says we are esoterics. I, for my part, consider us just ociosos.
Let me recapitulate some of my quirks, for julio's sake. My bed is in the center of the room. I prefer to have space around so I can extend. I sometimes sleep upside-down (sometimes on purpose, sometimes I wake up that way). I can't tell you when an event happened, unless I think for several minutes. However, I can't tell where I was, with whom. I greet bushes and talk with birds commonly. Whenever possible I try to find another route to my destination. I love to be lost. I like to fix things, people won't notice they were broken in the first place. I love to learn languages no one I know talk. I select my underwear based on what mood I want to be. No, I won't post my sexual quirks, I only talk about those things. Continually, I'm reading three or more books and some comic. I'm an idealist with delusions of having reality as stronghold of my perspective, hence I'm atheist. I have a special word, not to ever say aloud (not to ever write or express). Don't believe in lucky numbers or colors, yet I think myself a lucky guy. When I'm starving I invent new recipes, when just hungry I go for tuna or something. I enjoy having geas. My favorite food is meatballs, despite it, I know I'll grow old being veggy.
Pollo once told me, "El que por su gusto muere" which continues as "hasta la muerte le sabe". (Rough translation, "whom by his will dies, even death enjoys"). He's probably right. Anyway if I had to say who's the strangest in a good way... I'll go for pollo. He is naturally different. Allan may seem stranger, but his is powered by will. Then julian, who nature seems to reject for being so special. James and julio are also weird, but I have yet to see their peculiarness exploited to their good. Yorch, on the other hand... he is so normal... Don't think I'm saying that's bad... It's only that he is the only human being I have dig through and not find a real quirk! I guess that makes him unique. Have some other friends I could tell you... But no. (Padilla don't feel bad, you are the kinky guy after all.)

There's a thing in "Memo, necesito de ti." which I can't... I'm powerless against that phrase. Why do I reveal that feature?? (Because it only works in a special situation.) It is so stupid to do some things, which directly go against my desires... But... I only want her to be feliz...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Last Saturday I cried. A lot. More than ever before. Those tears weren't sad ones, nor from impotence or happiness... Just... Well here's the story.
I woke up nervous. I know Today is the day. I should have made this in xmas, but I was a coward, needed more time. My brother accompanied me to that place. I knew it was a bad bad idea to go there alone. I enter the room, to many eyes pointing to me... Anyway I present myself and she says go this way. Take off your clothes. "Well, you can leave the shirt if you have cold." I don't want to talk, my words are almost whispers. I pass to another room. There's a lady, I'm sure she's as nervous as myself, because she starts talking and repeating several times, how great all will be. Another woman says, "Open your eyes". I can't. But she forces me, I unconsciously struggle, while my mind thinks "stop it". Don't you if I was referring to myself or to her. My eyes and tongue are numb. Now I wait with a guy, next chair. He again wants to chat. I could have easily asked anything and that guy would've answered. He tells me his story, in brief. Meanwhile, it feels as if in a dentistry. You can hear an ever present drill. It's quick. No more than five minutes, and the guy is gone. He says good-bye while he's guided to another room.
Here's where the story jumps to another level. "Lean on the bed, don't move your arms." "Why", I reply. That was the moment I realized I could control my angst. Just need to ask, and ask, and ask. While I was able to keep asking all went smooth. I bet he didn't have an interrogatory ever before. The reason being how his voice sounded grateful to be asked. He was eager to answer anything. "Keep you eye in the beam", though he kept repeating. The first time I went blind, it was great. Yes, it's bizarre for me to say so; but noticing how the image fades out is amazing. It's really different than closing your eyes. Then image returns and it's time to lift a layer. All seems different, I would say pixels, all seems formed by hexagonal points... Over all, it was pretty swift, but maybe it was that I attempted to meditate while in there. It's amazing I couldn't remember Brazil's song... Anyway, it must have been 7 minutes, top. I, immediately, could see clearer. Ok ok, all seemed foggy, but with lots of contrast. Light bashed my eyes. And yes, people do still have small halos. Anyway, when I was back putting my clothes on, I realized I was shaking.
Today I feel great, my eyes still need artificial tears, but hey, sun glasses are cool ;)