For a time I'll be working at strange hours, 11PM to 9AM. It isn't so funny, but the bright side, it makes easier my life, I'm referring to the previous entry. Yesterday, was a wired day, yes I groaned of how life sucked, 'cause I didn't like the outcome of an obvious decision. My heart and mind aren't always of the same opinion. So yes, I felt pretty bad, but I need to tell you the "semi-full" story. Yes I produced a lot of pain to myself, in hopes of a healthier life. But yesterday also was full of good things, none made by me. For some unknown reason I received a mail from Nura, asking me how was I, then another friend just pops her mind about her doings, I tried to do that for so long... Also, Ale and I had a good chat. And of course Mariana was very receptive about how I felt... Then at night, I went to Cristina's house, just to say hello, for I couldn't stay (I had work to do). And to my surprise she decided that I couldn't go to the office without a lunch =) She gave me two tippers, one with gelatin, one with salad... Good food! How sweet about her to be worried... So yes, for some strange coincidence today I got a lot of female support in different ways.

I feel lonely. I feel sad, but not so much as I thought I'll be. Maybe it's the fact that I made my mind like a week ago... Today I started a new phase, one to reclaim my thoughts. My mind is like in vacuum, I prefer to work to avoid seeing that nothingness I did, that puncture I made to myself, to save it. NO I won't describe what exactly happened. There's a smell of anger in my heart; everyone knows, it's a demeanor to my true feeling, of utter despair. I should damn my luck for letting this happen, and yet there's this voice, who says "Gracias" not to me. Ever optimistic as I am, I envision that this is for the best, why can't I let me fall! I for once want to let myself pity myself, but NO, my ego resist it.

I wish I could yell and see myself not responsible for what happened. I wish I weren't free and master of my life, but I know better, but I for a fucking reason know better. For once I really wish I believed that ignorance is bliss, but no I know better.

Truth shall let me free!!!

I need to catch up... And I have at last some time =)

Monday I played as announced kickball. For those of you, who like me, haven't played it; it's just baseball, but instead of batting, one kicks. It's really easy to play once you know the basics about baseball, and that was my first problem, jeje. Everyone seemed to have a strategy. We played in a field usually reserved for football soccer, and it must be pretty reserved, 'cause it was just grass growing wild. Jaggy took a couple of grass-filled bags as bases. He himself nailed a stick to provide the second base. Of course, he was the more excited about doing this, he really enjoys sports. The sky wasn't so clouded, and that was a bonus, for we were afraid of a possible rain, specially since Diana was going to play. (If I have some weird connection to long never ending queues, she has it with a gang of clouds =)

Hagen and jaggy were the captains of the teams. I went with hagen, and so did frank, the rest teamed with jaggy. The truth is that my team were high in height and had more males, but that doesn't count, jeje, we lost. In the field we were about 16 persons. We gained a couple of anecdotes. To remember, we have spectacular falls, great runs, amazing mistakes of my part... Let me tell you one.

I'm guarding 3rd base, hagen is pitcher, don't remember who had the bat, it should be a woman, for I ran nearer to home so I could catch the ball easier. And I did exactly that, but someone was trying to get to third base so I turn 180° and ask myself "Who's guarding 3rd base?!" I wanted to send him the ball... Wait a minute, I'm supposed to guard it... Run!!! =) The guy did get to the base. From that point on, someone took that base and I became gardener.

There were tons of mosquitoes so we ended shortly before sunset. Most informed me of some kind of pain from that experience, specially muscular in the quadriceps area. Yet we all agreed to play more often, volleyball, that's the next one...

Yesterday I got a headache. It is news only because I normally don't. That's one of the great benefits of being me. It wasn't hard, but it was stronger than the one I got the time I drunk a bit more than is healthy. In other words, I didn't want to concentrate too much. In fact, I didn't felt so good that day. The mood was like being trapped, I really abhor the idea of twelve hours sleeping/twelve working. I was rather upset of not waking up in time to do my things the Saturday Morning. It wasn't about sleeping too much, I just laid what my body requested, and that can't be a mistake.

Today I'm much better, I see the sky clearer. I wake up and went for the first time to the gym. I paid for it since Tuesday, and I wouldn't permit more time to pass. Twice I committed the error of going to let's see if there was a guy who could advise me. This time I decided that there was no way I wouldn't do exercise today. I got from the web (freetrainers.com) a routine, got a towel and my spirit and walked to the gym. It's a high-class one, ain't cheap but this Sunday morning it was almost mine. One of the things I most like of that place is a wall to climb. I sure will use it, once I get a better stamina. The good news is that I encountered a trainer, named José Luis. He is nice, and I think he really tried to help me. I feel kinda pressed when someone commits to helping me... I got a routine, two weeks long, that is suppose to take me to normal levels, jeje. Today I just did legs and chest. Well, almost... I couldn't end the chest exercises, it seems my stomach didn't like so much effort if it wasn't getting any (or to say it in other words, remember to eat a bit more the next time). My breakfast was just a pear, I didn't want to eat too much before the gym, but it wasn't enough. A quick visit to the bathroom, and a pear-like-stuff out, and I was fine. Now I'm working, but I have the sense of having done something, easy mind to trick. =)

Tomorrow I'll play kickball. Never done that, but I expect a lot of fun. About a week ago I decided it would be fun to play something with my friends at work. Jaggy was the happier, but all like the idea. Julio won't play and maybe Allan, that's a shame. We invited a lot of people to get the fifteen needed for that game. Teams, rules, all shall be decided there. It's a special event also because it will happen when I should be working, but I asked for a break... Can you see a pattern in these three days?