Saturday, July 01, 2006

Most of the time I don't regret. However as any other guy, I have a couple of memories, of mental places where I wish I had done different. Specially in the romantic landscape. Above all, maybe because it was one of the first such moments I remember one about high school. So many years ago...
First let me travel you to those years, late 90s. What was hip then? zip code Beverly? Madonna? I had a crush on a girl, her name is Daniela. She was, I guess, extremely beautiful, because later I discovered I wasn't alone in the fan club. What I really liked about her was her sagacious mind. I remember several fun talks with her. In those days, I argued even more than today. Slicing and argument with pure words was a good hobby we both shared. Anyway, if I'm today timid, try to imagine how shy I was back then. Did I ever tried a move? Of course not! Not a real move anywho. (No, I haven't reached the regret part :P be patient.) She was an old-school girl, went to church and all that. In those years I was very faithful so that sounded great to me. She saw me as a great friend, and she trusted me a lot. As pollo can testify with the slap he received. But that's another story. So it happens that one day, I even remember what both of us were wearing and all, we were in the school bus to bugambilias, she said "a guy invited me to the movie theatre. I don't want to go, but couldn't said no. Could you come with us?" That's the moment. I wish I had acted different! But I said, "No, you go there. Enjoy the film. It's rude if I come along." :( I could have gone. Or I could have said, "you know, maybe you ditch him and go with me." Or so many other things... My logic in that moment. "Obviously that guy is into her. It would be unethical from my part to put a foot in his way. I don't even do anything. She deserves good." Instead of being real, I stayed a far. Stupid. Ok, let's fast-forward, that guy became her first boyfriend. And for several months I couldn't stop thinking how all that could be different... She ditch him some months later, but that's besides my point. :P

And why do I tell you this Today? Because Today, I suddenly realized another moment where I would wish I had another chance. :( Jalatinazo! Hope I could learn a bit faster.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Don't know what to thank. I know she symbolized many things in me. Didn't had the chance to talk to her much, being that we were in some ways similar. Austere. My grandma was if nothing else, secretive. When she was healthy she wouldn't let anyone enter her sanctum, just my grandpa and sometimes one of her daughters, sometimes. Her lair was perfectly shaped to her way of being. My aunts several times told me how I was just as stubborn as she. I knew they referred to that part. I know she was proud of me. She was proud of only two of us, grandsons... I'm gonna miss you.

Her voice was of a girl.
My grandmother isn't living with us anymore. And I'm afraid, in short, this will be true by all meanings. She's right now being transported to a hospital in Mexico City. My main worry is my mother. Don't think she's prepared. Two days ago it was decided that my grandma would return to DF. We had no options here. Physicians here said there is nothing to do here. Yet a cousin couldn't take that as an answer so she contacted more medics to see if they can give hope. Yesterday I took my grandma and my cousin to the airport. I couldn't tell my mother that I felt like this would be the last time I would see her mom alive. You know, sometimes you take for granted some events. This time it is this death. A bit gloomy. How to prepare someone you care for a death? I'm not even sure I'm done in my process to accept another imminent. Yesterday my mother ask me to take breakfast with her. I didn't want to, but I knew it was necessary. She said, "life is about to change". And I could only descry, "Well, life changed some time ago..."

Hope I wrong. [sic]