Saturday, August 21, 2004

A couple of days ago, I talked with Allan about making my blog more descriptive. And so those this start. The goal of this new phase in my blog is to better my writing skills. So I'll more than welcome your feedback in any way you consider giving it.

Right now I'm in my cubicle, one of many in the classical cubicle farm image. Well, not exactly like the others, I've the honor to have a near nice window, where I can stand and contemplate a green field that I'm prohibited to walk around. There are high wood walls that hide my colleagues. Of course it isn't enough to shield my telephone calls or the snores of some. And yet, I find it cozy. Why? Because, there's history between this walls. For almost two years I've been working with this place as mine. When I was a newbie I received gladly this wooden office. It came from a prestigious line of developers/team leaders. As time has gone I've found ways to decorate it. There was a time when I had Origami pyramids, just for the geometrical beauty. About 1 inch of height, one orange square-based and a tubed white one made out of 6 papers. The orange one was of my composition, while the tetrahedron was found in the web.

They were times when I was always asking Günter. And I found myself shelving tons of reference books that no one read anymore, but I must. It was funny to be the one with best equipment, out of scavenging what others didn't want. I had two computer... Now I rest with a laptop and a huge monitor and my personal things are a bit more... uhm let's call them eclectic. Ten postcards, from Toronto, Japan, Cologne and Tulum :) My left wall is tapestried with images that people had wanted me to remember even though I haven't go there. To my right I have 2 post-its that reminds me commands and tie lines. No one seems to view those yellow crumbled pages. At my fore, there's a Tulum-mud-made pyramid, just over my 21" monitor. (My previous items were trashed.) Over my shelf which is also in front of me, there's a Parisian neighborhood, about 6 centimeters tall, that one can see is from the early 20th century. It's made of cardboard, and is beautifully painted (a gift from Günter). Behind me is a 10 centimeter blade, like a mini-last samurai prop. And I won't forget to mention my wandering penguins. One male, one female, made of paper, glued/colored/cut with only office-related instruments. Depending on the day one or two may be seen. And in a far corner a red balloon, yelling "happy birthday". It was there before me. See what you like.

Monday I move out to a new island in the mid of the farm.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

*sigh* How to start? It was a party of great expectations, not just for me, but to almost every person in that apartment. Before starting it, we went for a sofa. As you may recall, that place isn't completely furnished. Yet, before we have to wait for Diana to end her work-duties. While waiting for her, I had a really nice talk with Ceci and Hagen, that was kind a preparation for what could be. That night had as goal to make a "first" step in a relationship... So all the day I could've easily been thinking about the event, but I avoided it by working and working. I didn't want to torture myself with anxiety. However my feelings betrayed me while going for the sofa. I went mute. And that isn't a good thing when you aren't alone (if you know what I mean). All the day I sweat. Hagen promptly told me to not lift stuff to avoid consequences ;) Yet I lift it cause there was no one else to do it. And man, how much I sweat! (Jaggy was on the other side and sweat as much.) Three floors, tight corridors and even tighter corners... by the end, I was so exhausted that I forgot my nervous. :)

And people start to arrive. (Thanks the heavy part is done, now you can come...) And here is were the artificiality started. There were to many people concerned/committed to help me, that in reality it was awkward. Oh man, how many times would someone ask "are you comfortable?" not to me, but to... *sigh* There were no opportunities, despite of this, I think most had a great party.

I gave her a ride to her home, and again I couldn't speak to her. Well, nothing significant, just vocative. By then I was completely hungry, so I went for some dogos, and brought some more for my friends at diana's place. What came was, WOW, a great new from jaggy. It had nothing to do with me, but it's great! :D It ain't mine to tell you. And then, the inevitable came. Diana, of course, was the voice.

When that happened my feelings were sad, but in some way I thought, this I could mark as an end. However, when Diana started with her speech, I remembered an exercise of MW, about how many times before the face of failure I back off completely, when maybe all it needed was a bit more effort. Jaggy also talked a lot, and I really appreciate what both of them tried to do. To tell the truth, most of what they said I already knew (and by knew is in the systemic way of things). I do listened to them with great effort anyway, 'cause they were telling what they felt was right, in a deep way. (Diana's boyfriend had a special glance as if it were the first time it saw that dynamic...)

I went out of that door with people telling me don't to rush, contrast it with the talk of 8 vs 1. I did learn a lot, about that common sense that eludes me. My next step is a one-to-one, allan is right, it doesn't matter if it's the best or most effective way. Making some failures will even be better. I've to stop fearing absurd things... maybe I'll get a mantra :) Don't take life to seriously, you won't came out of it alive.