Friday, July 01, 2005

Not so much to share, just a question in my mind. Yesterday I went to my "círculo de lectura" and discussed a bit about everything. However in one moment someone asked a very good question: "Why are you so distinct of the others? Why don't you act similar to your mom, dad, or anyone in the family?" And the answer is, I don't know. I'm just different than anyone I have ever met. I don't judge my intelligence as the key point, as someone in the circle proposed... I do things different, many times because the hard path is the interesting one... maybe is that I make so much questions, and I'm curious, but then again what makes a person more curious than other? I think it would be based in how much it can perceive and how much it can get from it... I believe myself good enough in both attributes... Somewhen another good query arose, "what's your motor?" It wasn't directed to me, but the answer is, optimism. You know, everybody has dreams, most want them hard, several fight for them, few live them, one or two are their dreams. I won't fight or live, I'll be or I am, depends on how much you see.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I would have written before, but I got a severe procastrination syndrome of describing all the things that happened last weekend, let's see how much I write... I've read what the others wrote so... First why did this trip came ever to be? Well, it all started with a simple "Hey padilla, we should do something together, a farewell-activity. And I'm not taking into account the party you will organize and I'm sure I'll be invited!" Of course, maybe if you ask someone else, they would give a different story, here's how it started for me.
The highway by itself didn't have much of experience, except the feeling that it is better when one drives :) That and the tons of small talks about the paranormal world. That truck heard about ghosts, Saint Death and God so much, that it could have used it instead of fuel and will still be riding it for a couple of months. It's good to hear those stories, but in that quantity it's overwhelming. And the thing is that I couldn't reply, well I chose not to do it. Basically I didn't had the confidence to fully spoke with julio's dad around. I respect him, really. I saw no point in stressing the conversation. Reader, take notice of that idea, I'll return to it... One of the things I like about julio's dad is his idea to recapitulate the thoughts of a conversation every so often. I should do it also.
Friday and Saturday passed smoothly, no big deal. Yeah, we tried to rescue a truck, and walking in the beach is nice and clean. I appreciate that padilla had an overall theme about helping me with the girls, "you should learn from guys like Blanco" jeje =) and yes, Blanco, beware I may try to be more around and see if I learn anything. Of course that feeling was also in pollo and julio. It was surprising to hear pollo say "dedicate this one to someone" "Para aquella que no supo amarme..." Again, of course, I didn't dedicate it. That happened in the Saturday's borrachera. That night julio also confessed to me, that he wanted me to meet someone special just like he did, uhm, I think he even said "I'm praying for it"... There were tons of small talks about relationships, about what to do to be more player-like, what do girls like and dislike, but that night I got sad for a moment.
It was fast and simple, in one point padilla told me a truth. He said that he has learnt to tell me that I'm right in certain topics, for there's no meaning in continuing the discussion with me. That I love to be right. And that's true, it's a bad habit I have. The thing that hurt was the brief concept of knowing "padilla se ha dado por vencido conmigo, perdió la fe en mi". I do know that I am wrong many times, I just don't know when of course. I debate with my friends for that reason, and I change sides in the middle of it, because I want to test ideas and because it's fun. I'm not married to perspectives... Anyway, he continued telling me "you must sometimes realize that there's no point in always trying to tell people they are wrong". "I don't do it, most of the times I'm silent". "See that not everyone wants or can keep with your attitude..." And I know you are right, and I thank you for your honesty. If I write here that it hurted it shouldn't be taken as "well, next time I won't be so direct to him" I wish you see that I learnt something from that discussion.
In other news, that night I drank so much! More than ever, and for the most part I wondered "why am I not going drunk??" it was in all duty a good night, even when I attempted to vomit trice... I wanted to get a death mix tucker though... ce la vi. A funny part is that in the middle of a talk with julio, where I was telling him how much lo quiero, I realized "damn, this shouldn't be taken as I'm so drunk I'm telling it, the feeling is true and I shall retell you this tomorrow if you want". However, what worries me is that besides sleeping my eight hours, I didn't get a headache or anything... It's strange, in a fair world I would have payed for that much abuse. Well, I should learn from what I saw in victor.
Before I forget, I'm curious about Blanco, specially the part I-don't-remember-my-childhood-or-my-dreams... Ok, that should be enough for today. If you wonder, 5km in 25min is my mark today, I continue learning ASL and I have yet to present my paper.