Friday, February 28, 2003

More than 7 o'clock and I am at work, working. In the morning I planned once more to go in the afternoon like around 7 o'clock to digitalife, a computer store. However I can't work for now, mantainance has played against me this weekend, so I have 'til 9 to write if I decide the responsable way. I could easily stand up and go home, if I didn't liked so much my work (except when I am at work with nothing to do). This time I will try to explain why do I have this blog. Some of you, I'm sure, would have concluded that's basically because I want to be known by you. For them I will mark them with a "B+" =) But maybe just 2 of them will think "Hey, he could just as well talk a little more about himself" (some would say I talk to much in any case). Yet I have an answer, that explains this blog. I write here for the therapeutic results it gives (as i said before), because it's fun, and mainly because this type of communication is almost one-way. Talking in "kwyjibo terms" jeje, let's say the theory of "derecha", "izquierda" and "centro", I think of myself as "centro". I call myself a leveler if you wish. So when I am with someone I try to adapt (conscious and subconsciously) to the other one. So many times I defend an argument I don't believe, or act opposite to the people and sometimes I appear to think like he/she. Why I do that is another, yes you guessed well, muffy question. So at the end of the night, many times, I end up hearing your stories, which I do like listening. So I have this blog were I don't adapt to the listener. Am I two-face for adapting? Don't think so.

One last question-answer in this entry. Why an english blog? That's easy. No, its main function isn't to better my english. I have a trick to tell you. When I speak to you, face-to-face, you hear me in spanish; so this double language permits me to open myself without your subconscious acting so much upon it. Basically your low mind will conceive two Memos until you treat me and mix me into your brain. This phenomena is also seen when meeting someone by the internet first, or by snail mail some time ago. Do I think myself too clever for that? Mmm, time will say if I'm right.

BTW, the english schema also helps me to make words like "izquierda", "centro", and "derecha" appear as new words. Another word is "Feliz" which I will talk in a future entry.
And the Pollo-Karen mania is growing. I could keep teasing with this to increase my rating, but no. BTW, when I write about this I wasn't writing about Daisy with an alias... I would have called her with a methaphore or just name her, Daisy.

Yesterday I went to visit my aunt Elia's house (that is more like a historical event in my participation with my family), but I went to visit my uncle Pepe who came to visit my grandmother Teo. pe'i my aunt notice my arrival with some surprise until she found that I came to see my uncle, her brother. Some day I will need to talk with her... Another day I will talk about my family and its dynamics (ju'a that aspect of me is almost unkown to my friends). The thing is that I had great moments with him, his family; all treasures of my childhood. Once I will have called him my favorite uncle, now I don't call anything favorite. Don't have favorite/best colour (jeje), number, song, book or friend. Nevertheless I wanted to see him, know what is of his life. The family (this time my mom, aunt Elia, uncle Alfredo, uncle Pepe and me) had a great talk. First of my future, my desire to study a master degree, my viewpoint of AI and then started the religious part. For anyone who doesn't know, I'm atheist and my uncle is Mormon. He was a faithful Catholic for 50 years of his life. So He has more or less the same time of being Mormon as I of being atheist. He worked for the church, not was the esterotypical believer. Even though I would like to talk about the religous content of the talk, I feel that I can't treat the theme until I give more background of my philosophy so wait a little. So I just write this lines because I want to tell you, all of you how proud I am of my uncle Pepe.

So this entry will be mainly of people who in some way I admire. I could talk about great characters of history, but that I will do by request, jaja. How about a nice person who has renown in my work, have a great humour and is really cool? I'm talking about the "inge" Fierros. It feels strang to say admire. But what word to use to someone who has earned your respect and sometimes you see him as a mentor and as a goal. It sound too romantic to my cynic ears, but it's the appropiate word. Maybe some of you will be surprised by reading that I admire someone, but actually I admire many traits in my friends. Fierros is what Julio will call a nerd. Allan may name him a CS guru. I refer to him as "Inge" and hadn't decide in my subconscious to use the "Usted" or "Tu" in normal speech. He is fun, knows a lot, doesn't see the world as an engineer. He is "awake" by Padilla's standards. ru'a from "derecha" camp. So in the techie side he is one of the best, ka'u "In this mega-corporation no person is indispensable without exception; by the way, all of us know that fierros can't be a mortal". But what I find more interesant is obviously his human side. He is one of the few "semi-gods" who actively support CMM, because he thinks software needs to be less heroic driven. In contrast the other "semi-gods", hungry by their known power (knowledge) try to keep it close to their chest.

I could also mention in this entry the name of Fernando Acosta, but that was from another epoch, my second life, my awakening if you believe I could be one.

Thursday, February 27, 2003

As always a magnificent sky is over my shoulders =) My ten minutes walk every morning always gives me this feeling and I wanted to share it with you. Yesterday I had another meeting with my ET teammates and it was completely different from the last one. The general mood was of cooperation and being entrepeneur. Here we discussed who wanted to stay in the Ficus project and who don't. Only our LAF is out, by her own will and Tuesday we will attend her house to be instructed in a basic level of detail in our financial plan. I know the reason of this seemingly surprise renewal of interest, it is that we may have a client. But as I have said in a previous entry, this doesn't dissolves my feeling of excitement with Ficus. (BTW, I need to talk with Padilla and Julio in case they don't read this entry... =)

Oh, and attending the sudden rise in popularity of this blog, based on the line with "Pollo and Karen", let me tell you that there's no relationship as you may think. I said that because I have found that Pollo mentions "Karen" more often than normal. Is it a post-thraumatic symptom for his denmark-departure? Is it another Karen? Don't know, but will keep searching.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

I think it's time to return to the muffy question. It needs a lot of background but as I have maybe as much as 4 readers, there's no need for a full explanation step by step. In any case, there's my mail for personal doubts, jaja. There cannot be one in this universe because then there would be no difference between existence or non. ja'o to define an object is to define its boundary. There is a phrase "know thy self", that I respect for its simplicity, elegance and truth. So, being known is being defined, named if you wish. Many would think that being defined would bring stasis, but it needs not to be. I know that being more known may take the magic of how it works. But there's people (like me) that knowing the principles inspires my curiousity to learn more. Before writing a bunch of arguments in favor of being known, there's the question "Is it reachable to know thy self?" (Yes I was mathematician-mind before studying CS =) Is the muffy question a solvable? I think the answer is yes in that a minimum effort to meet our boundaries brings benefits. Is it reachable to know oneself completely? It may be possible if .io Siddharta was right.
Now I will briefly write some of my arguments. There's the feeling of letting one surpass death through the memories of others. For me, it's of no use but some could use it. But how about trusting in people. How can you demonstrate your trust more than letting them know your secrets, dreams and why not, your weak points. It's another discussion why I want to trust people (not very far but another one none the less). That argument is more concrete, more valuable, more strong, however it is restrained to people who like to trust. How about knowing yourself by seeing through your friends? "Nothing human is alien to me." Probably a bad translation, if only I remmebered the author of this quote I could search for a better one... The thing is that every human can sense what another one does (it's called empathy [a trait I plan to master one day]). So if you let them know you, you would be able to see the mirror =) They would adapt to the knowledge you give them. Everyone would act different, so you need more than one person in whom you would deposit your innerself. And you can mix the last 2 arguments to make your friendship grow stronger, everyone gaining new insights. And these are one of the reasons to write this blog... but that's another muffy...

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Now I write from Pollo's house, while he chats with "Chats"... don't think have enough time to write anything interesant. Well maybe about Pollo and Karen... no not enough. Or his dark anecdotes...
I am getting tired of writing "in my opinion", "I think", etc. After all, everything I draft or describe is from my viewpoints. But I'm the kind of people who likes the idea of separating my statements from the public domain ones. For example it's public domain that the sun is yellow... however for every day purpose we assume that its light is white. But, did you know that our star is really more green? The reason behind our failed attempt to browse a green star at a starful night, is the same. The green color is in the middle of our visible spectre, so a green star emits also blue, yellow and red light. Well, enough of curious information. What I tried to say is that for me it's convenient to start using the lojban evidentials in this blog.

It is said that Amerindians have in their syntax forged the idea of evidentials. They(evidentials) just display the relationship between what is said and the speaker. So we have:

  • ba'a, I anticipate

  • ca'e, I define

  • ja'o, I conclude

  • ju'a, I state

  • ka'u, I know culturally

  • pe'i, I opine

  • ru'a, I postulate

  • se'o, I know internally

  • ti'e, I hear

  • za'a, I observe

They are more than enough to let you think of your own words... so don't be amused if you start seeing "pe'i Magic is a mental disease" =) This entry has taken me so much time...

Monday, February 24, 2003

Je, now I know how to change the title, but I have come to accept it. It's more natural this way. BTW, in my last entry when I said "complain" I didn't tried to say in the way of a little lad who doesn't want to wake up, or in any bad way. Here a lojban attitudinal would be better. (something like ".oi"). Well I have to go, but let this entry testify that I will try to never ever edit an entry (this should keep me consciencously thinking that I am writing to a possible public).
Ok, this blog also must have things about what I do. Today I haven't made much so I write about yesterday. As any sunday I wake up late, I had two main activities in my schedule (that's more than usual, since I prefer to live the moment). First at 2:30 was Omar's pozole, second ET (Emprendedores Tecnológicos) meeting at 4:30. It was a strange situation to meet Omar's domain. Pozole was nice, even though I had more than enough. But the real surprise was when I was in his bedroom. It's full of spiderman, star wars, videogames, etc stuff. (Here's where a lojban tanru would be great =) I enjoyed viewing everything, it was like a museum of pop culture with enfasis in anime, sci-fi and the like. He was a great host, he even tried to avoid magic for that afternoon, jeje. And in the middle of that weird joy was my meeting with my teammates of ET. Because I was late, I phoned Mercy and there I noticed a change in her voice. Later I found that she was hoarse (Today I learned this word =). But as strange as it may be for the people who treats me, I let my instinct guide my through the signs... So I had this feeling that something was bad when I was driving to get not so late. There was Alvaro and Mercy. The meeting was unhappy because I think they felt they couldn't say me straight-forward their lost of interest in Ficus. They are right in their complains, we don't work enough to get a quality product. We don't really know how to make a company. We are a bunch of "students" trying to make a dream come true. And that dream is mine. What I proposed was to have one month to work on my product, I think it's enough to develop a decent proto who would regain the interest.

After the ET meeting I returned to Omar's house where I viewed "13 warriors", a long-time-wished-to-see movie. It was more than I expected in that I can felt the epic mood, although to anyone who sees it without that long-time-wish-to-see property, it would be just another epoch story.
I promised in my last entry to answer that muffy question (Err, muffy isn't a "real" word but I like it). However, today is february 24, as the timestamp must say... today is a national day in my country, Mexico... but feel no patriotism or nationalism, instead I think that 23 years ago, Jaime my friend borned. The special thing about this, other than the fact that today is a B-day, is that this guy, my pal, doesn't want to see any of the people who call him friend. Notice how many times I had say friend in this few sentences.

In this blog I feel no need to explain the situation that provoked Jaime's crisis. However I will describe what I feel produced in my petty world of made up of my peer group. It came as a maelstorm, and has produced pain, lots of them. I think I'm the less affected by Jaime's attitude becuase I had experience dealing with Jaime, but people like Julio and Padilla were given no time to defend their psiche of a poorly rational movement. Pollo and Allan, I am completely sure, would adapt to the new rules. Yorch and Omar are fairly separated from the peer dynamics. But Julio, Padilla, Pollo and myself, I think, have in some way feel bad about Jaime. But not a regret feeling, as Jaime would think, but the kind of feeling one has when it touches the irrational world. Trying to detect a pattern, a hidden motive or simply a reason fo rthe transgression of trust. Haven't asked them, if they too feel like Jaime has commited an act of treason to my trust... But all these words are confusing, part of a blurring thought. Today I will remember the good things that I had experienced with Jaime (many of them in his house) and that's the reason that I insist in calling him my friend.