Friday, October 28, 2005

Sometimes you get a "Happy No Birthday!" congratulation, you smile and know how much you like her for things like that. Those small stupid details that no one would care, but which at the end are what matter, or could have mattered. Have to stop being satisfied with those things which are good but not enough... Have to stop reaping the small joys no one else cares. I'll start to be a bit more astray, I guess, for a time. Know, dare, do, be silent. I'll be fine.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Not much to tell, mainly because I don't know how to say it. The rough fact is that yesterday I took Kundalini Reiki 1. The good news is that most of my friends still think that's strange from my part. I have to say it, I don't want to be so associated with reiki. Why? Because it is surrounded by a fanatic aura. Yet, I wanted to experiment with it. You know me, I'm curious. James offered to teach me tons of styles, I only wanted something that could get me started and see if I got anything out of it.
The "iniciation" is pretty simple. No blood is involved :/ No white capucha. No great architect. Can you believe it, no ancient forgotten language. No black cloud forming above behind of one... KR is pretty simple, it's supposed to work just by volition. No prop necessary. It took about 30 min in a chair. Most of the time I felt nothing. Not even the good old nihil one experience while meditating. Just me in a chair, thinking "wow, how will I tell james that nothing is going on?" I said most of it, because at the beginning I did felt a soft warm in the back of my head, then it felt heavy. Anyway I was starting to worry, because I knew someone was going to come and I should "heal" it, with this non-sensed energy... And then I felt a small tickle. There james said it was almost finished, the process. I thought "hey, maybe if he continues a bit longer it could work". However, we concluded. By serendipity I touched the tips of my hands, well, almost. Somehow I felt as if I had magnets at the tip, so I could sense from distance the contour. I began experimenting with it. For instance I discovered that my right hand was like a shell, while my left was list a well. If I had to describe that "energy", I'll use water as the metaphor. I dislike such a concept anyway. New agers should learn what energy means, before using the word so easily. Next, you'll hear about ships traveling with parsecs as velocity unit... Anyway, then I tried to sleep. However a guy came. I still had (and have) doubts, despite it, I tried my best to do as james said. There I discovered two things. One, what a great thing that I'm not a physician. While I was "treating" him, I was more interested in playing than "healing". I can imagine myself being fascinated by an abscess instead of saving the pacient... Well, I did focus but most of myself kept trying to play instead of following the procedure... The other thing that I learnt was that I could sense that flow. Don't have yet a clue of what happened. I can't explain it. However, it felt like I could touch a fluid springing through my hands and reaching another liquid fluid. I could move my fingers across that invisible layer above the guy... It felt strange. Once I touched a part which I sensed as dry. James explained to me later, that it was a block in the chakra... Anyway, my conclusion of that "therapy" is that I can't say that thing heals or works in anyway, but I felt something. Was it my imagination? Maybe. I'll keep investigating. I do know that I'm not going to be all reiki...

ps to myself, the duck is gone.
This is the dream I had, yesterday. I was walking the street, while james was watching me from afar, hinding midshadows, when I encountered an old man. It was God. I said, "Hope you did CPS* [to your creation]". He replied, "I prefer development". Then I raised a question I have forgotten. Which He answered, "What are you telling me when you said you can't?". I guess the topic was my faith. I continued to explain further. "Maybe I can't, as I cannot order my foot to enter my mouth". Here, I gaze away and see alba driving, having a discussion with Jeronimo, which sat in the back part. "You mean, ordering it to exit your mouth¡"**. "Well, it's the same. I have seen others doing it". "Or maybe I can't, as I can't tell my second mouth to open. Being that I don't own one". "Or it's just that there's no god". Here the illusion broke up. I'm again in the car with alba. They continue talking. I shed a tear and browse to the window. We are in a cold cold place, journeying to somewhere. There's a lot of fog. We park, she says we won't stay long. It's a restaurant, a typical Mexican antojitos place. While I enter, I see a guy from the highschool, who choose not to weave me a hi. Inside the place we have two tables. There's Vladi and shole. There's a kid causing a lot of troubles. Both shole and alba are shouting to the boy. Here's where I know I'm at the future. One can know who's the mother because even though both scream, only shole enters the kitchen to stop the kid. Frank is inside it, helping the kid. By that, I mean, sharing the fun. Yet I can only think of that dream inside my dream.