I intend to make a habit. A numerical trivia. I talked with adan about the monkeysphere. That made me realize, Can I name 150 persons who I care about? No I can't. I got 19. Reader, if I may say, try it at home. How did I defined "person I care about"? Someone who I would love to talk with in 10 years if by some reason I had a comma. I listed them in alphabetical order but it was a real experience to name them. To be honest, I got 5 with no effort, next 10 I had some difficulty and last 3 I almost missed them. I would have regretted if I had not included them. 42.1% are women. If my A/B testing is right... that's conclusive evidence that I have stronger relationships with men. Maybe not surprising to you, but I wasn't so sure. Years ago, I would have selected more women.

Anyway I will do this every year, to track how this works with me. (If I had had 3 male friends less statistically speaking my data would be useless in the gender enigma.)

On another topic, I was talking with daniel about important people when the question was raised... How many men have you met that have deeply provoked a breakthrough in your development? 2. And women? Again, 2.

Should I get a more active role in looking for people like these 4 friends? Or am I set to be Memo so that phase is over? Dunno. I know that my 19-names list just includes one of them. And she's fading out. (And pollo is dead.)

Why do I care about these numbers? To keep me true. I love my work, but I have from time to time remember that people matter and that I should spend more meaningful time with them. Life is good, as it happens, I got 2 weeks off to do just that :D

1. adan
2. ale
3. ana
4. bety
5. ceci
6. daniel
7. daniel r.
8. david
9. hagen
10. ivonne
11. jaime
12. jorge h.
13. julio
14. karina
15. madre
16. mauricio
17. monge
18. padilla
19. yéssica

If you don't see yourself there, there's a chance I'm forgetting you, sorry if that's the case. On the other hand, maybe you aren't that active in my life anymore. I had other names, other years. If it really bothers you, let's talk, this post is about doing that after all! Have meaningful interactions.

Six days before my birthday and I come here to update my last will. Sure I do have one thing much more interesting to say, but I won't. Not yet, and not in english. So obviously I won't leave Pollo my sandman, and Allan is probably out of the game also (for better reasons).

David: pois, guitar, rubik, papercraft.
Julio: computer-related books, heroscape.
Yorch: scifi books
Julian: language-related books
Jaime: rpg books, munchkin
Padilla: graphic novels (excluding Sandman)
Allan: philosophy books, go books...

Damn, almost all my gifts are books, that tell us something. I wish I had something for ale, monge, diana and so on. I know my friendship with them is much more than mere objects. On the other hand, I hardly ever see yorch, but he is the person who should have my scifi. I guess I could give monge my "Dangerous Ideas", but it feels like cheating. Yes, Karina would receive almost everything else, at this point. (Please don't kill me!) However I don't think my Jared Diamond or Piaget books would be rightly served if Karina has them. Who would play my Fluxx? Well, some other day I will figure this out, for now, it is enough. Life's good.

How was 2008? I'm not fond of idealizing the 12-month cycle, but hey I do respect cycles. We, humans, are addicted to them. I think it is a bug in our firmware, but hey it is fun. My year was great, thanks for asking. It had a blue note but that's life.
What did I learn last year? Let me see... at the professional level, I got much more "do what your passion tells you to do". I had plenty of terrific experiences, working in my first MapReduce/Erlang project, meeting great guys at RubyFringe and working with RmbrMe. I finally created a FB profile :S I actually finished the python tutorial. I have yet to find it a purpose (having Ruby...). My love life is another story. It was much more linear. I love her and '08 was a catharsis-thingy year. She went away and that gave me time to think without my heart pounding over like a teenager. People tell me how cold I am, they have no idea. After all, it was a good break. My mind and brain were fighting too much and distance made many things much simpler, hence easier to discuss with myself. I can confidently say I love her the healthy way. I am not a knight rescuing a damsel in distress. I love her for the right reasons, and the right emotions. I'm fully in-line in that scope. (That's a bummer for the sitcom, but hey writers will find something else.) My social life went narrower. I intended 2008 to be a primordial year, and that's what happened. I see less people and that's a tad sad. However, I know it is for the better. Quality over quantity. I will reclaim some friendships but I had to simplify my kernel. In a couple of years I will surely explode again, but for now, all is good. I won't talk about my family. For my inner Memo it was a hard year. I didn't really attempt new things and he loves to be utterly lost.
In brief, Did I regain some patience? Yes, a fraction. Am I more happy? Yes, a lot. 2008 was a success.

So what will you do next year? Mmm, let me think. I want to say it is time to reap it. But no, life isn't ready. I want to create my house, but I like having themes. Perhaps Creation, once more. Three years ago I choose it. Then Conservation. And last year was Cancellation. Allan and juanjo have this theme about growing out. This rite of passage. I'm not convinced but people is starting to expect that from me. Maybe I should support a meta-creation. I have a long history of thinking about thinking. Or about living by being worth of living. Or of dreaming about being epic. Maybe this year I should concentrate in building a strong common life life. I mean, it is fun to be worried about the Omega number while others are worried about the economic crisis; Yet, I should be more mundane. Like not forgetting to pay the bills. Or making time in my schedule for a medical check. I'm all so good to jump to the no-meat wagon but I haven't ever considered the biological impact. It was just the right thing to do. I am neglecting my daily life. The boring bits are dull, but hey I wouldn't exist without it and maybe once there I will see some obvious fixes that will make my life ten times better. So my purpose for this year is being Conscious of the now. Hope you enjoyed the ride.

I'm still alien to my friends. Not that it matters this time. Surprise, I have a time line of my life. I have always had one. Not complete, not clean, but I had always known certain things. For instance that I would be veggie one day. Or that I will serve in the peace corps one day. (I estimate that to be around my 40s). I had for a time the idea of having dreadlocks, but that is out of the picture because of a promise. My time line isn't a secret wisdom. It is a tour I have thought to be good, that's all. Now the question is why haven't my friends thought about something like that? Sure, most have the idea about growing a family, having a house, visiting Europe... my take is that it is much more fun to not want a family but 1 daughter and 2 sons, a house designed by me with a secret corridor and eating special muffins in Holland. Will I be sad if I don't get those things? No I won't. Those are OCD goals for this half sitcom/one-third Reality of Goo. I'm happy Solar cosmic rays haven't increased radiation levels on this planet, but I digress.
One day I will do politics, long enough to make a tiny improvement, not so much as to get bonded. One day I will speak fluently Esperanto, write Lojban and read Latin, and I will sign the American way. One day I will finish my theorem about Rubik's symmetry group. One day I will do a breakthrough in AI.

Don't think I forgot it. I wished to contact you all day. I was busy. :( Couldn't sleep without wishing you a Happy New Year. In my mind I have this thesis, that one's birthday should be like your private New Year. Time to throughly think, time to be merry. Perhaps. How hard is it to write this thing. I know we have grow apart and it is my fault. I am wishing this could leave you a smile. I want to tell you how good is my life. Monday will be a great day. I want to share so much, but I doubt. How will you respond? I'm scared that I don't know you anymore. You haven't changed, it was me, which in turn changed your attitude towards me. This train of thought sucks. At night, my mind hovers to thinking how would you be. Hope comes, it's ignited by how proud you are of your work, of your achievements. Has been a long time since I saw your family, but I bet I will see you again not in so much time. You will pwn me at the Valencia frontó. Or maybe we could watch some movies; this time in my house. You give me hope. Knowing I fucked it up with you, but despite it, you continue to teach me so much. Because with the distance you have become an effigy in my life. You were the one who opened my eyes about not expecting my partner to want to be better at everything, every time. You were the one who told me how dumbass I was for distancing myself just because there was distance. You alarmed me about me loosing my innocence. You don't know it, but all these are thorns. Thanks to you I'm doing something about all these things I was born challenged. Without place for a doubt, you have saved my relationship with karina several times. She doesn't know this. I love her, but I wasn't ready for her. If you have to leave this with something, be it that you have engraved yourself in me. I am a better man because of you. I have many friends, with several I can have quite interesting conversations but only a few can tell "I was so stubborn to actually change him". Happy birthday, I love you dearly! :)

Last weekend we went to guayabitos. By "we" I'm referring to ara, migue, diego, reyna and myself, but mostly to ceci's family and this guy. Have no doubts, I intended this to be a friends trip, alas it was really a family trip. I have said it before, trips main feature is how it make us bond. At the start of the travel, there I was with 50 more persons. My seat was far away from my friends. I tried to stay positive, maybe I could meet nice people. It sounds elitists, but I only found kids and old ladies. Surely that wasn't what I expected.
From the start, I felt a stranger among these people. They were friendly but I was the only guy they didn't recognize. Somehow I wasn't a long forgotten cousin. They knew it. I decided to sleep and take this weekend as a full rest stop. Alas, my friends hadn't the same plan. I'm not a sporty but with these guys I spent the weekend swimming, running, sporting (volley, soccer, football). And all was good.
Well, I had surpassed the first encounters and as the hours passed they come to accept me. I really didn't have problems with the kids. I know how to handle them. Just make them curious. However I had a second obstacle. I realized all my friends in this trip have a SO. Damn it. It was so easy for dynamics to go wrong. Awkward couple-time. Yet reyna was benign enough to not let it happen much. Now that I think it, women in general were the ones who cared no to leave me behind. They perceived it.
After these obstacles I got out of it with both active-full and quiet moments. I got some nostalgia as well. I missed karina, sure, but also ceci. I never went with she to any travel. Countless times she invited me to this same concept. Alas the world isn't as we wish it to be.
So this travel had all it needed to make me feel lonely and powerless, nonetheless I feel it was a great trip. Why? Because trips may not only serve as bonding experience, maybe these are the places to try new things. Be the fool you can be. Whatever works, keep it, whatever don't, no harm was done, keep on :D This guayabitos was the place where I first snorkeled, did magic tricks for kids and get to know a bit better reyna (which I should have done before).

One knows that life is good when one's father greatest worry in his bithday is whether a metal or wood pepper mill should be in our kitchen. Life is increasingly simple. Karina will leave us for Canada. I'll create the next big thing. Friendships adquire tenure status. Deep down I know this can't be so easy; nevertheless, I feel as if I'm mastering life. I don't get everything as I want, but all falls in their proper place. Life will change pace again in about a month, but for now, we have a beautiful day. =)

People ask me, "how does it feel to be 28?" They are being Vocative, but anyway...

In my short short life I have come to see life in so many ways. I'm too old to call karina my girlfriend. I'm too young to call her my love. I don't play without a warm up. I love candies. I don't small talk through life. I will always love role playing. I'm growing sideways. I'm loosing inhibitions and some hair. I feel crushed by circumstances. I dream. I love without regret. I know what I want, though I don't have decent words. I am harsh. I am forgiving. I am loosing patience and innocence. I old enough to not care if you went to my birthday party, but I smile like a fool when you do. My eyes glisten when my father hugs me. I want to live with her. I'm too young to marry. I can't remember a better time to be myself and yet this is the dark age of my life. Well, medieval times have a charm, isn't? Today I feel myself a paradox. It sucks; and I pwn!!1one

Despite all of this, they are just being polite, so I answer "Great!"

Truly, this deserves to be a lengthy entry. Somehow I feel I won't make it justice. My new-year changes are settling down. I'm beginning to take them as baseline. Karina is part of my life more than ever. We have plans. No, not that kind of plans. :p Anywho, she's in my head and is the greatest of my worries. In a good sense. I deeply care for her, so I'm worried about a new pattern in our relationship. Btw, this is in no way an invitation for suggestions or tips for my relationship, thanks for understanding. I am reading "The art of loving" by Erich Fromm.
The basic premise is that love is something to be made, not found. That's about as true to the rest of my worldview as it can. I hope to understand a bit better how this thing works. Some guys hate theories. Some friends despise them. I, on the other hand, I am a mapper. I trill on them. That's why I don't want my friends opinion in this matter.
That almost sounds emo, jejeje. I know I'm not feeling anything not seen a thousand times, but it is my baby. My first link.
As always in a mappers life, this brings me to my business life. Three, maybe more, friends and myself are working our buttocks to make a new company. It is outside my life plan, and at the same time it will be part of the backbone! How exciting! That's why I freaked out when I cam to the conclusion that my partners were thinking about 'exit strategies'. Or when they rejected my somewhat idealistic world view about a 100% transparent enterprise. For me, this isn't about money. It's life. I'm reading about management, hiring policies, who would have imagined? My first link.
In retrospective, I pushed for too much. I wished them to understand a new way of working. That's too much to ask when you are learning the ropes. I still think my way would be fantastic, but now I know better. One jump at a time. I'm growing. :D
Yesterday came another Jugatlon (the event we created to perform magic, game design). I got there with a fabulous idea. I grew it in 2 hours. I showed them. They weren't as ecstatic as I wished. And that was great. For once I shut myself down and concentrated in making it more for the people, not a lecture. I get it :D People have fun with the game design, but come for the dress! My first link.
I made 2 worthy innovations for this first tabletop game! That's much more than I had expected. And I have a third, for my toolkit. That mechanism was excellent, but you know what? It was too much for the game :D The second time I explained it. This time to a first comer, albane. I just thought "I don't need to explain this exotic rule. The game is strong enough to not need it." Voila, we all had fun and the juicy part wasn't any less for that rule exclusion. Even more, I think I could get with my game only having 1 of the innovations. Great jugatlon!

I think the main problem is that I no longer consider this blog a normal activity. It is outside my routine. As if I needed a very good reason to write it. So it happens that I come here only when my heart is pounding me to be heard. When I say my heart, I don't mean in a cheesy way, but in a broader. When I feel something important. So, to keep it short, all this time I have had plenty of things worth mentioning, but most don't make me want to scream to the four winds.

I like giving my posts as dishes. Three parts. Something warm to open it. Something nurturing that keeps you healthy. Something delicious to keep your joy.

---

I love my new life. That's the short answer to "What's going on?" Last time you heard from me I was leaving a boat. I wish I didn't thought it as a sinking one, I really do. Anywho, now it is another life! A Better Life. At first I could say I was working less for more in fun proyects. Well, that's no longer the case. I keep charging more for my time, but now I'm working as much as in the last job. Hopefully becoming solvent in the process. And now it is not only fun stuff, but amazing, challenging things. Things I can't share (because of a NDA). Things I dream of doing and thought I would be doing in 5 or so years, but no, life said it is Now or never. So I bought a ticket to work-almost-beyond-my-reach. A funny thing is that people are either welcoming me to this realm or thinking I'm on vacation, even though I'm actually working my brains out. Right now, my head has tons of ideas, fighting for brain's time. Having 4 proyects isn't easy. Another good thing of this new life, is that I'm surrounded by friends! Vive le Resistance!

---

I ought to know better, but I keep making the same mistakes. That should be the mantra of PSP. This thing sounds like a cult. It seems to embrace you. First the "bomb love" how much you will be better. Then "tough love" showing you exactly where you make your mistakes. Then it teaches you its own vocabulary. Finally it asks you to renounce to your vices. Ok ok, maybe the last part isn't true, but that's how it went with me. Now, I'm a preacher of PSP. Take into consideration that I was never into CMM. What can I say? It just works. I can see where it won't work but for everyday work it is the way. I'm still trying to tropicalize it to be a bit more SCRUM friendly, but hey, I'm still an amateur in this things.

---

I... I care deeply for karina. I have come to need her at my side. I have let her know my soft spots, my weakness. And I think she needs to know, really know, how much I feel for her. That's why in our anniversary I stepped into a region, that a year or so wouldn't have imagined crossing; She received a Serenade! She wept and wept. I'm still trying to understand why that simple event is so powerful. Anyway, I like to gift in groups of 3. At her birthday and the 14th I did just that, so that's like my signature :p This time I also gave her a "teddy hipo". Fluffy things are cute. I'm sure she hugs her every night. At her neck was a small collar with a little moon. I know this will sound corny but I call karina, "lunita" (moony).

Life's good.

I don't know if this blog has any sense anymore. Julio has better English than this poor blogger. :( Ok ok, kidding aside I got my TOEFL results. I was disappointed with myself. Yes, I knew my pronunciation has always been my weak spot, but writing is also so bad :'( It seems I'm able to speak fair enough about business or academics, but mundane chit chat is out of my current possibilities.
On the other hand I got excellent reading and listening scores. I hope that UA can see my good things. All this tests are required if I intend to study my master degree. Maybe it is an excuse, but I continue to believe that I did bad in writing for the same reason I'm good with listening. I have a fuzzy understanding of plenty of things. So I can understand without much clues. This understanding makes me not see the details, the irrelevant but existing patterns. So when I write, I write as I would understand, instead of what people are used to. It's like every time that allan told me to stop defining words, my way.

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The other day I drove my father to a street near el Santuario. For those of you not knowing, that place is where you can get cheap medicines. I hate that place, because I know it is illegal. Nonetheless I don't have the money to buy my father ever damn medicine he wants. I abhor how he decides which medicine to use, as if he was a physician. Yet my family constantly reminds me that it is not my decision how my father lives his life. Up to a point I agree. However I rather not help him poison himself... On the other hand he says he suffers without these medicines he has used fo so long. Anyway, I was there. By accident I scratched someone's car. And what did I do? I leave a note with my name and phone. I don't have much money in my bank account and people in the street told me to just run away. Even my father said it wasn't a good idea to do that. I hoped the other guy would see it wasn't a big deal and that he would pardon me. It isn't the case. Saturday morning I will pay. I'm still looking for a good place to fix my error.

---

I have seen tons of times in TV how a lady in distress faints. That has nothing to do with the real thing! Just two days ago karina fainted! Wow. It was surreal. We were watching Dr. House, a specially bloody scene that brought her memories, when she calmly said "You do know what happens when I see blood, right?" I wasn't prepared. I thought it was a pop quiz. "Sure, you get all dizzy as if fainting. But come on, that's just a tv program. You won't believe that's actual blo..." I couldn't finish my line. She dropped. Barely I caught her in mid-air. Nervous laugh. I wasn't scared, nor loose my head. Just couldn't believe this was happening for real. I grabbed her, with special care to her head. With the same calm as she had done I call my mother to come. I rested karina over my bed. Sleeping Beauty. On the other hand, my mother went hysteric. I had to explain her it wasn't so bad. Anyway the lesson is, first aid curses do work. They teach simple lessons that can be handy the moment you less expect.

Yes, she is fine. Thanks for asking.

Life is still a sitcom. For instance, yesterday my mother told karina:

M-Marcela's mom reminds me The Nanny
K-Why is that?
M-Don't know. Something about her personality

There I start laughing uncontrollably... I asked, "come on, why would you think it?" Don't Know, something about her nature... There, I couldn't take it any longer.

Myself- Maybe it's the fact that she lives in NY. Or the part where she was a nanny until she married her rich boss. Or maybe how's kinda old but sexy, except for her voice...

Go figure. How can I make up all this patterns?? Life continues to bump us with anecdotes, but only I seem to catch them...

My brother lives in Canada. Life has certainly changed. I miss him, it's true. Yet, I feel I have more space. Less troubles in life. Sounds like a good thing, isn't? My parents are very sad, but deep down both know it's for the best. I still think, it was fool to go without papers, but it's his life. So in other words, the change is both invisible and primordial. The dynamics in the family are changing fast, so I have yet to realize all the impacts.

---

Karina got furious after I told her that I gave ride to a complete stranger. That raises the question, is it a good life to be fearful of strangers? Or is it stupid to take risk that's impossible to assess? I know there are no definite answers, but if I had to dwell in one side of the fence, I choose hakuna matata :D

I'm so sleepy. Why do I post now? Because, it has been a while since my last entry. Let's see... something interesting but not too deep, because I'm tired... Some days ago I was driving and for the first time in my life, I feared being crush by a trailer. Nop, doesn't cut it. It's true, but who cares? Yesterday I went to lunch with the Big Guy. What I discovered, is that he's Awake, has a fresh mentality, probably Iteration X. He likes to pretend being a fool manager, just another PHB to other managers. However he knows his shit. And I say shit, 'cause that's how he call it. One of the gems he said was, "as you climb the corporate levels, you discover, that you are being paid, not for what you do, but for all the shit you need to eat daily". Meaning, I know this doesn't work, though middle management wants to paint it as if heaven on earth. It's a nice guy. At least now, he recognizes me. Nop, again, doesn't cut it. Too worky dorky. Besides some personal things, I've discovered that having a SO made an impact on my behavior. Unexpected as it was, now I'm more physical. I hug more. I wake up on the morning and give my old poppa a good one before leaving. I meet new people, and I shake hands with enthusiasm. And so on. Of course with girls, is even more explicit. I mean, I touch much more. And no, I don't do it with double intention. Now, that's who I am. (Disclaimer, with old friends it doesn't happen, maybe there's a tacit understanding that prevents the update). What?? Spell it. Cheesy. Days ago I heard a guy telling about how we don't wonder enough. "When was the last time you had a moment of awe?" An unending list of guys phoned him to support him. How sad is that. My last time, was an hour ago, when I discovered regexp used to see if X is prime. And before that one day. I wondered at the market why so many lettuces and how to distinguish them without much success :D Before that I made karina walk blindly through the grass while describing her how was the sunset. And so on.

Now let's return to work!

That Friday I was tired, but nonetheless I went to Mine's bday. The problem was that it was too late. I arrived about 12 o'clock to the "RedPub". Yes, you are right, by then it was my birthday. However that wasn't anything to the guy on the door. He said I couldn't enter, that law forbids people entering those places after the bar is close o.O So I called kamilo and ask him to excuse me with Mine. That's when Mine decided to move the party outside. That was a great kind thing to do :) We end up eating tacos near Chapultepec, and that was great. She was the first to give me the happy birthday hug. However ceci was the first to remind me of it, by cellphone.

So 1:45 AM I went to my house, rather tired. And there she was, Ceci and some friends in a surprise party!! Wow =) Didn't expect that! I was speechless for a couple of minutes. It was after all my first surprise party :) GRACIAS!! Ceci insisted on doing the candles and the bite rituals... There must be a photo here, soon. The dangerous thing was that while they waited for me, my mother brought old albums and anecdotes to the table... My mother got very impressed with ceci. About 2:45 it concluded. Hit bed hard.

Once I woke up, I prepared all to have my official party all set up. Went quickly for karina. By then I was a bit stressed. I wanted all to be smooth, and I had yet to buy the tortillas! Anywho, at the end all went good, except for the music. It seems, no one takes seriously the part about bringing music with them to my parties. It was great to see so many friends! I owe a Thanks to my brother for cooking all day, pollo for the beer, mariana for the ipod-never-used, and all for assisting. Ilyann gave me a kind of swiss army knife... Thanks. Oh, and even ivonne came at the end. Sorry for not going to the balibar with you, I was really tired by then... so all in all. Life is Good!

So what's the point of having a blog and not posting about a girlfriend?? Well, basically, this blog isn't a synopsis of my life. So sorry, I didn't post about it, because the blog is a complement of my life. Like vitamins, for those who don't get enough Memo :P Doesn't substitute living in my world... Anyway. The news was schedule to be released on Julius Party! And was a blast!

This post was planned to be more informative, but I'm in no mood. San Valentine won't be what was expected...